A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I feel awful and wrong for just asking this question but please help me. My boyfriend and I have dated for 2 years, I'm already like part of his family and everyone thinks we'll get married. We have so much in common. We're "perfect" for each other. The thing is I can't always be myself with him. I go along with his way because he's very stubborn and I don't like to fight. When we started dating I didn't know him well and I wanted to be loved desperately. We fought a lot, but eventually he "broke me like a wild horse." He's strict but good to me, and I do love him for taking care of me when no one else would. I have a history of easily falling into others' shadows. I miss how free I was before we started dating. I'd never had a boyfriend before and didn't know what to do. He sort of "took my virginity without asking" but was very loving and apologetic. It's just hard because whenever he hurts me, it was either my fault or he's so sweet and sorry I can't stay mad. Now I think I love someone else. This new person is an artist like me and we became so close I considered leaving my boyfriend, even though I don't think this OP likes me. My boyfriend is extremely suspicious of the friendship and gets so depressed I feel like a monster for hurting him even though nothing's happened. If I leave my boyfriend, it will be for me, not this other person. I just feel like a hermit crab who needs a bigger shell (haha). I can't talk to anyone about it without risk, and if I do leave him there will be hellish consequences. His family and friends will despise me. Is regaining control of my life worth risking everything?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2011): Thanks so much everyone for the answers! I'm feeling stronger and more independent already. I feel like I can make the right decision now
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2011): Since I've been in a relatioship, there is a question I ask myself frequently and that question is:
"Can I live with this forever?"
Think about how you feel right now & ask yourself whether or not you can live like this forever. If the answer is no - you need to move on!
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (2 February 2011):
 Yes, it absolutely is.
Dating is a time to learn about yourself -- your preferences, how you interact with others. You're not committed to him for the rest of your life. If you feel this relationship is not meeting your needs (and you raise some tremendously valid reasons why it might not) there is no shame in moving on. Frankly it sounds like a very healthy thing to do for yourself.
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