A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years. We have been working on rebuilding trust for the past 9 months due to him cheating and lying. I do feel we have made some ground but we still have work to do. For the past 3 weeks we have been arguing alot. He approached me the other day and asked me if I felt we should just end it due to the way things have been going lately. he said he feels that we have done all we can to make eachother happy and life is just too short to be unhappy all the time. he said he wants the relationship but he doesn't feel it is going to any better and is tired of arguing. At first we were going to walk away, but then ended up deciding to give it more try and see what we can do to make it better. Is there any hope of continuing if that is how he feels? that we've done all we can do? Is rebuilding trust really this difficult or should we be further along? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2011): According to him, he cheated because he felt torn between making it work with his ex wife or staying in this relationship. I didn't find out about it until almost a year later, although I strongly suspected and asked the questions. But he lied every time. I remember smelling sex on him, but he lied out of it and said it was sweat. Then we had sex. Which still grosses me out and makes me think he didn't care one bit about me to do that to me. Then I blame myself for not trusting my own instinct. The lies were related to him covering up all his activity, but went on for a long time. The fact that he cheated with his ex wife is doubly hard because they have kids and he will always have a forever link to this woman. I have kids and I feel that working on this relationship exhausts quite a bit of my emotional energy that could be used on them. I have a demanding job, stay very busy with my kids and he has a lot of financial issues. so we have alot of life issues that get in the way. Truthfully, when I look back I am surprised we have made it this far. We have almost thrown in the towel a few times, but we never do it.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 June 2011):
 rebuilding trust is very very hard and it's very very fragile.
every time my XDH would get close to having me trust him again something would happen on his part that would make me not trust...
I'm a person that says once broken badly enough it can't be fixed.....
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2011): I hope this helps, but it is a grim picture overall.
"rebuilding trust for the past 9 months due to him cheating and lying"
It takes around 2 years of hard work. He has to earn trust and make amends for infidelity. That is not easy. The first trust we get from someone is a gift, but if that is betrayed it is just plain hard work to get it back.
"I do feel we have made some ground but we still have work to do. For the past 3 weeks we have been arguing alot."
Normal at this stage, the arguing that is.
"he said he feels that we have done all we can to make eachother happy and life is just too short to be unhappy all the time"
He has a lot of work to do. If he doesn't want to do it, this will not work out.
"he said he wants the relationship but he doesn't feel it is going to any better and is tired of arguing"
He needs to prove he wants the relationship, that is where some of the arguing comes from. Proof requires the hard work that you are doing now.
"Is there any hope of continuing if that is how he feels?"
Only time will tell, but you are just beginning the process.
"that we've done all we can do?"
Definitely haven't done all, he just doesn't get the trauma that he has inflicted.
"Is rebuilding trust really this difficult or should we be further along?"
Yes, it is this difficult, it is nearly impossible, but it isn't impossible. It is just damnably hard. The fact that you have survived the last 9 months as a couple is rather successful at this point.
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