A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone!So I have this situation that I definitely need advice on. My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year and he lives with his aunt. It's a very complicated story as to why, but anyway she's such a pain! She's really stuck-up and seems to be jealous of me..My boyfriend's 18 and she rarely lets him do anything without controlling him or haaving him do something for her. Not to mention, I think she's extremely bipolar. We'd be hanging out and she'll scream about something, then be totally fine. The point is, she has some issues and shes stopped my boyfriend from doing a lot of thinggs, even with me. We barely ever get to be alone, or go places without her calling 10 times or having some suscpision about it. Plus, at times she seems really fake, even to me. I act completely nice to her but she still seems like she trys to keep him away from me. Since theres no reason as to why she would do this, I really think she's jealous which is super weird, and its only seemed to have gotten worse. I dont know what to do because I am his girlfriend, not her. and he's 18 and should have freedom! I need advice! Should I just not care or get upset? I mean, I feel because of her shes but a wall between me and my boyfriend. And I feel like instead of our relationship being me and my boyfriend, I feel like its me, him, and his aunt. I love him dearly, but i dont know if its worth to put up with anymore. If she controls him now when hes 18, what will change in a year or more? I'd really appreciate help, thanks! :)
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female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (27 June 2011):
 Sadly, if HE does not want to do anything to change his life for the better for HIMSELF, he is not going to do it for you either.
You are young and have SOOO many opportunties ahead of you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much! I still don't know what to do though, you were right on everything. She is alone and depends on him to do everything around the house and for her, especially when I'm over so its like he doesnt have company. He is dependent on her and I think you right, it is physcological. But I can't tell my boyfriend that, I dont know what to do because it will probably never change. Also, I have talked to him about this before and he has not changed anything, he is afraid to talk to her because she'll not allow him to see me, or take his phone away (so he cant talk to me). I dont know what to do! Breaking up seems like the only way to escape..but if I tell him that Im breaking up with him and he knows why, he wont do anything to change it. :(
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (22 June 2011):
Ok, you do NOT have an Aunt problem. You have a BF problem.
If he is UNWILLING as a now legal adult to change his lifestyle (IE move out or stand up to her) then the situation will not change.
Is he financially dependant on her?
Is she dependant on him for care?
Then there will be no freedom as long as there is that codependant relationship.
I am going to assume that Aunt is not married/does not have a male companion?
If so,you could be absolutley correct that she is jealous. Psychlogically, she could have made your BF her pseudo-spouse emotionally and sees you as competition for his time.
It is not sexual or romantic-it is psycholocical.
My Ex Mother in law did this with my Ex husband. Nothing drove her MORE nuts that if she saw I was the #1 woman in his life. When her husband was living, it was bearable, but her husband was a huge failure to her as a man. So, my husband, her firstborn son, became the #1 man in her life and she depended on him for companionship, care, "manly" things done around the house, etc. He would neglect his own family to meet the needs of his Mom. It was a codependant relationship, because his own Father rejected him too. He needed his Mother for her love and approoval.
I did not want him to choose between his Mother and I, I just wanted him to have his priorities balanced. I asked him to prod his UNMARRIED and CHILDLESS Brother to step up and help his Mother out more.
My ex Mother IN LAW really did not need the help. She needed/wanted a man to care about her more than ANYONE ELSE. I understood her lonliness, but it was up to my then husband to draw the line. He could not do it for very long and I could not deal with the fights any longer.
I refused to compete with an old lady:) So, she got him and he got her. Now HE is lonely for young companionship and can not get any.
Best Wishes.
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