A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm a male virgin who's never kissed a girl and I have a porn addiction. I watch it everyday, multiple times a day, and of course masturbate like crazy. It becomes a compulsive need to get home from work, or any social gathering and start looking up porn.I want to experience sex like crazy but I can't, so porn becomes my only sexual outlet. I hear and read about guys saying they had multiple partners and had such experiences like two girls at once and I get very jealous and envious of that. I've thought that maybe paying for sex for my first time would calm me down. It might inspire some confidence in me because I finally was able to have sex. I'm not particularly good looking and I'm a big guy so it's hard imagining myself having sex/kissing/being intimate. Women are not attracted to me so I don't have many options. Maybe put out an online ad to see if any woman is interested in being my first. I doubt there will be any responses though since a male virgin isn't highly thought of for something casual (unless she has that fetish, but what are the odds?). Should a porn addicted male virgin pay for sex?
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confidence, jealous, porn Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (29 December 2015):
Paying for sex wont turn a beta into an alpha, it will just make you more of a beta.
Tackle the root of the problem.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2015): I'm a girl and my advice is to honestly try online dating. If your overweight and not attractive and slightly insecure, why not try dating women that are in similar boat(?)
There are so many cute women who are slightly chunky and virgins who like nerdy bigger guys too. There is literally someone out there for anyone!
Also having sex wont make you feel confident just to let you know, its your attitude towards sex and the person you are having sex with that will boost your energy and confidence. It wasnt until 6 months later after loosing my virginity at 22 when I started changing, getting healthy and my sex life rocketed. It went from I was shy and mediocre at it to "I love this guy and he is so delicious! Im going to have so much fun' and my ex loved me all the better for my attitude too.
Also porn is fun. Its amazing and fun to watch. Its unrealistic, much like how Avengers team took down Loki in marvel movies but its enjoyable and its a means to expand our imagination and stir us up emotionally and physically. Im a girl that loves porn and watch it weeekly, but it never takes me away from work, friend time, dating time, gym time, etc. If it is keeping you from being the best version of yourself, you have to start questioning if this is the life you want.
Get healthy! Porn is great but its NOT a means to an end. you want to experience some of that action? get out there and LIVE!! Experience life. Kiss a girl. Walk up to your waitress and get her number. Take your dog and yourself on a walk down that park right down the street. Join a meet up event. Go to a concert. LIVE. Trust me the real girl is always better than those videos. Ask my ex about it lol
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2015): I don't see anything wrong with it
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2015): Have you asked questions on here before about this? I seem to recall a few posts that sound very similar to this.
I think your main issue you have is that you aren't confident in yourself. I know a lot of men who aren't particularly attractive, are overweight and all the things you really worry about. But they still have girlfriends. I think you are very scared about what women think of you and insecurities probably make you intimidated when you speak to any woman you are interested in.
Please stop feeling so bad about yourself, the best way to get into a relationship is to be a self confidant person who will love themselves as well as them.
Have you thought about maybe going to the doctors or counselling to try and get out of this funk that you are in?
Life is not all about looks. You are still quite young and it's amazing how much better you feel about yourself as you get to maybe 30 and older.
If you are desperate to have sex with somebody then go to see a prostitute. If that is all you are after but if you are hoping that after you sleep with a prostitute you will feel more confident then I really don't think it is going to help.
They are doing it for money and I've heard that many men don't get as much satisfaction from it as they think they will. Partners I have been with enjoy seeing that I'm really into them and I desire them. Paying somebody for that will ultimately just be fake.
You are allowed to visit a prostitute if you really want to but don't pin all your hopes on it making you feel good.
Instead of paying money to see a prostitute could you invest that money in looking after yourself. Go to the gym, eat well and really work on your image. I know so many women who don't give a damn about the way a man looks but rather how they treat them. But obviously you are down about your appearance and the only way you can fix that is if you go out and do something about it.
A cracking personality and warmth and love mean so much more than appearances. My best friend is absolutely beautiful and her boyfriend would be considered ugly by most but obviously he is an awesome person.
I also would like to know what kind of woman you are attracted to? If you are addicted to porn you may be setting a high standard for yourself. Porn is full of beautiful women with perfect bodies, are you looking for that in a partner?
I went to a strip club with my boyfriend years ago and I was very surprised to see that the women in there looked very normal. Porn stars are on another level with the average woman out there so maybe you are setting yourself up to be disappointed if you have sex with a woman who doesn't look like a porn star or perform like one.
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (27 December 2015):
 Since you are addicted to porn and you masturbate too much, your actual sex experience will be very bad irrespective of if its a legitimate girl or a prostitute. So from the perspective of cost effectiveness, you paying for sex will not bring you the rewards which you imagine that you will.
An obvious culprit for this discrepancy is, not your looks, but the addiction to porn which will never correspond to the real sexual experience. People addicted to porn are most often unable to get sufficiently aroused during real sex because their arousal is conditioned on the imaginary visual stimuli. That is why porn addicts often have limp penises during actual intercourse. You can just search this website to find countless women complaining about their porn addicted guys unable to get it up.
Masturbation is an added problem because too much of it causes muscular abuse and conditions orgasm on the function of your hand. This means less ability to get it up and less ability to orgasm through actual penetration.
Finally, your claim that women don't go for you is a defitist stand, meaning that you would rather do nothing about it then actually get off your butt and change things. If they don't go for you then find out why and go and change that. If it's your size, hit the gym and change your size and the composition of your muscles. If it's the wit then practice being witty at home....
Having said all this, here are 3 things you can do immediately: (1) don't watch porn (2) don't masturbate (3) hit the gym and change your diet.
Bottom line though, a prostitute will not solve your problems.
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (27 December 2015):
I would avoid visiting a prostitute as it has a higher probability of being a negative experience (messing with your head) rather than a positive one. There are probably prostitutes out there who could make your first time a good one but they are few and far between. A few years ago I saw a woman on a show who said she'd been a "sex surrogate" and spoke of the psychological and emotional benefits she offered. As she described it, this would be a better alternative to a prostitute but, IMO, still a very questionable approach. And nearly any prostitute will tell you she's a sex surrogate if that means getting a job.There are quite a few virgins your age so it is not so unusual. Your best plan of attack is to: 1) be around women, and 2) gain confidence. I just Googled "gain confidence" and got 77,900,000 results! A quick look shows there are a number of links specific to approaching women. This is really a better approach than going to a prostitute. You deserve a really good first-time experience, which means it is enjoyable for you and her. Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2015): First thing first - losing virginity isnt gonna change a thing (also with a porn addiction and a tight grip on your penis then it is gonna be diappointing and living with fact you paid for sex is likely to knock your confidence). It is just one experience. I thought it would be life changing and eye opening but after 6 years of being sexual active i still feel like a virgin. I still feel like me. This means that it won't change your situation or your worth (more likely to make you feel lesser). So i would suggest fixing yourself before sex. Joining a sports club, attending college, making sure you go out atleast twice a weekd to throw you into the path of women. Even talking to someone might help. Read a few dating books- i am reading dating for dummies and patti strange's millionaire matchmaker book. That should tell you that everyone finds it hard but don't give up. Fix you so you are happy alone, when you are happy alone then you'll be happy with company. If you want more women to be interested in you then.you have to become more interesting via get some hobbies. Read women magazines too. Get an idea of what we want.I would fix your porn addiction - no woman will ever live up to the standard of porn and more find it a turn off.Take care
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2015): Pretty much the only time anyone is going to suggest a prostitute is if you want meaningless sex with no emotional attachment and that's it. It is masturbation with another person.
Going to a prostitute to deal with any kind of emotional or confidence problem is a recipe for disaster. You may come out feeling even worse.
The only way to treat confidence problems by having sex is with a woman who will sleep with you because she likes you, either as a friend or being attracted. If she is doing it to collect another virginity that probably won't help much either unless she happens to take a liking to you anyway. Its not what you want to hear but its the truth.
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