A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My GF was still emotionally (and perhaps even physically) attached to her ex FWB when I met her. Not a big deal, because I was still separated and not sure of commitment with another woman. However, I recently found out from her cousin that she loved this guy and wanted him a lot more than she admitted to me. In fact, she downplayed him and her feelings for him, and I am now wondering if a lot more was going on in her heart and mind than she tells me. I feel a bit decieved. I mean, she loves me and I love her, and there is little or no discussion of him anymore. But I feel like we built what we have on a much weaker, less committed base than I had thought.I have been with her about 2 years now and things seem fine, but I worry that residual feelings are still lurking.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2011): you need to talk to her about this, not just be content to not have the subject of him come up anymore. clearly the subject of her ex is on your mind, so don't let that become the elephant in the room. you're basing your attitude to this relationship, not on her behavior towards you and her words to you, but on the words of her cousin. Is this being fair to her? she is your girlfriend. So why do you place more weight on the cousin's words than on her own? why do you believe her cousin more than her? Maybe her cousin is right. But then again maybe not. the only way you can know is to talk to her yourself.If you have a problem with someone, you take it to them directly. Don't just keep your festering feelings to yourself and make decisions based only on what a third party said to you. furthermore, so what if she had stronger feelings for her ex than you thought. is it really so shocking that someone would have strong feelings for another person BEFORE you met them? how does this new information make your relationship different now? Why would it matter to you that she disclose to you the details of her PAST relationships from BEFORE she met you? You also initially felt it not to be a big deal because you yourself were "unsure of commitment with another woman." So it's not just her who was still attached to an ex, so were you.
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