A
female
age
41-50,
*everhadaromanholiday
writes:I've been in my current relationship for a year and a half. I love my boyfriend, but I'm not sure if I should continue to invest in this relationship. Since a few months after we began dating, he has become extremely possessive and has absolutely no control over his temper. I have been a called a long list of names, and I've been told I'm irrational anytime I take issue with his actions. He doesn't like any of my friends and the feeling is mutual. He decides when we go out, usually to places where I don't know anyone and then he asks me to find someone to talk to so he can spend time with his friends. I have to be cautious of who I talk to so he doesn't lose his temper. I also have to be cautious of what I wear.I try to do nice things for him on a regular basis by picking up dinner for him, or giving him a massage. Anytime I want something from him though, it's so much to ask. I'm torn because he had a rough upbringing with a single mother who has some issues of her own to work for. Also, he's bipolar and I try to take that into account. It's just that I'm starting to feel like I'm wasting my time. He can't think of anyone but himself and anytime I try to discuss it I'm called stupid or irrational... or well, other things. Is this a lost cause? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, eyesramazing +, writes (3 November 2008):
I've been in my current relationship for about he same period of time. Same as you... his true colors came out after I quit my job and moved away with him. He controls every thing from my clothing, my money, when I eat and sleep, and contact with other individuals. He won't allow me to have a cell phone because he doesn't want me to have contact with my friends or family. He is abnormally and insanely jealous. He has hit me, pulled my hair out, and called me all sorts of hurtful names and made me feel less than human. I have continued to take it because I know he is sick. He also has Bipolar Disorder.
He has been taking 1200 mg of Lithium for about six months. Two weeks ago, his psychiatrist increased the meds to 1500 mg/day. All of a sudden this man is calm and rational and begging me to be patient, understanding, and forgiving. I don't know how to deal with this "new Mood" either, because I'm so used to him being volatile, abusive, and controlling.
Here is another twist to the story... I also have Bipolar Disorder, but I have never had to take Lithium. I take a mild antidepressant and I'm "cool." I am a kind, compassionate, honest person who wouldn't dream of causing ANYONE any kind of physical or emotional pain.
I made a decision several weeks ago... I'm out of here. This IS a lost cause. Your cause and mine. We can love them, but we can't really help them by continuing to allow them to abuse us. It sounds like your boyfriend's illness is extremely severe, just like my boyfriend's.
Make a good decision for YOURSELF to get your life back and be happy. Leave him to the professionals... that's what I'm going to do. Then you know what I'm going to do after I leave him? I'm going to go back east to my family and friends and do what ever the hell I want to. I'm gonna make plans with my girlfriends to go shopping and buy a beautiful, sexy dress and high heeled shoes. I'm gonna do dinner and dancing and talk to a million people. I'm gonna wear a smile and infectious laughter will poor out of me like never before. I will not think about him because my life will be good again.
Maybe you and your friends would like to join me and mine. Doesn't that sound like an amazing time to you? We can just relax and be ourselves again. I CAN'T wait!!!
A
female
reader, neverhadaromanholiday +, writes (2 November 2008):
neverhadaromanholiday is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much for your feedback.
I do like his friends. He dislikes my friends and they dislike him which only adds to our difficulties.
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A
female
reader, neverhadaromanholiday +, writes (2 November 2008):
neverhadaromanholiday is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much for your feedback.
I do like his friends. He dislikes my friends and they dislike him which only adds to our difficulties.
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