A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I both were both raised in the same tiny religious community. We got married when we were 18 and 19 and got pregnant right away because we were told that birth control was murder. We've changed a lot of our beliefs since our son was born; we don't go to church anymore and I'm going to school now so that I won't have to be a SAHM mom as I was programmed. All of the changes we're making are good, but we're having a lot of problems. First, I wasn't attracted to my husband physically when we got married. I was taught that sex was a sort of side thing and it wouldn't matter, and people approved highly of the lack of physical contact while we were dating. Now I don't feel interested in having sex with him. In fact, I'm really questioning my sexual orientation. I didn't know about homosexuality when I got married, but now that I do know about it I wonder a lot. He's also admitted to me that he wonders what it would be like to sleep with other people and he actually has a little crush on a coworker, which he says isn't anything serious but he's liked her for over two years now and didn't tell me until this evening. I'm not sure what to do. Part of me is worried that he'll really fall apart without me, because our entire community rejected us when we stopped going to church, and his own parents won't have anything to do with him or allow him contact with his siblings. I'm all he has left in a way, and I do love him like a brother. I really don't want to hurt him. Plus we have a baby to think about. But on the other hand, it's pretty clear that he would be able to move on from me and find someone more compatible to be with. I don't think I'd re-marry or anything. I just want to be able to do my own thing. We're really relying on each other for help with paying the bills, figuring out childcare, etc, while we're in school, and financial aid is a huge portion of our income, so I'm kind of thinking about waiting until we're both done with school and then reassessing things, if they haven't improved then see about getting an amicable divorce. Would that be appropriate in this situation, or are these issues that every couple faces? We will have been married 7 years when we finish school, is that enough time to figure out if our marriage is going to work or not?
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female
reader, \m/J.D\m/  +, writes (20 August 2009):
 im actually been quite open minded here with my answer, im sure many people here would disagree with me on this but its just a bit of food for thought for you both, im assuming as your husband has told you he IS wondering what sleeping with someone else would be like, and he HAS admitted to you he is attracted to one of his co-workers that he is getting you to realize he isnt wanting to remain manogamous in your marriage.. perhaps he is planting the seed for an open relationship? at least thats how it seems for me, you say you love him as a brother, not a lover, you want to experiment with women, why not consider a 3 sum? that way you both get what you want, he gets his fantasy out of the way and you satisfy your curiosity. just because you have a child does not mean you cant have fun! carry on with your marriage untill after you've left school and rethink it over together then. i think the pair of you are having your worries and doubts by the sounds of things, and 7yrs IS a long time when you are both curious about what life could be like without each other and seeing other people. its not right just to remain in a relationship for a child, if things turn sour ultimately its the child who suffers when parents are arguing. if your have a amiable break up, you are both happy and your son/daughter would benefit much more from two seperated happy parents than two people who are in an unhappy relationship. have a good hard think about my suggestions and talk it over with your husband. best of luck and well done for finding your own feet in the world. JD
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2009): Is the following correct,
You love this guy like a brother.
You dont enjoy being intimate with him.
You have never explored or been comfortable with your sexuality.
You wouldnt have picked him as a husband given free will.
You are both staying together as emotional and financial compatriots but there is no actual love there.
If you didnt have a child with this guy you would seperate quicker.
i have to be honest Id question whether or not you actually ahve a marriage in the eyes of God.
Bear in mind that the most important messge of any faith is love, adn being dishonest in love is unforgiveable.
To make it simpler couldyou stand before God at this point and say that you want this man to be your husband. If you cant then I think you owe it to all three of ye to discuss it, resolve it, and move on from it.
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