A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for 3 years, together for 6. I got pregnant at a young age, 19, just 1 year after we met. We had a wonderful sex drive when we met up until the point of when I was about 4 mos. pregnant. Ever since then we have only had sex about once a month, sometimes even less. We since have had a 2nd child, in which I pretty much convinced him to sleep with me about 4 times during my ovulation and that was it. He says he doesn't know why he doesn't want sex and I told him how much it affects me and that it is affecting our marriage big time. I don't know what to do. We are really good friends but I feel like that's it. I question whether our marriage is over or going to be over in only a matter of time. I dream about other men and fantasize what it would be like to be with other men (none that are real people that I know or anything). Is it worth it to stay together for the kids in a friendship marriage unhappy or should I make myself happy?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010): I really appreciate your answers. I think you all have very good advice. WatercooledVW, I really appreciate you sharing what you are going through with your wife. I also feel very rejected and like I'm not attractive since my husband doesn't want me. I do think we have communication issues and that may be a reason we have problems. I hope your situation with your wife gets better and you work things out.
A
male
reader, watercooledVW  +, writes (2 November 2010):
I am in a similar situation with my wife right now. For the longest time she would complain about the lack of sex. The problem in my situation was a lack of comunication. She was being disrespectful twards me and this was a big turn off. I always wanted a strong sex life and I always found her very attractive but it was my fear of conflict that prevented me from telling her the truth. This may or may not relate to your situation, but there may be an underlying issue here that needs attention. I hope you can work this out. My wife and I are still struggling as she feels rejected and hurt by me neglecting her in the bedroom, and if that is the case with you then you need to let him know how this makes you feel. Best of luck with everything!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010): Work on this, sex that is, and get counseling to help you. Don't accept "no" from the boyfriend. I assume he is around your age.
He may need medical evaluation as well.
"natasia" makes some good points, but most marriages fail if sex life is not maintained, particularly for younger people, the drive to have sex is very powerful.
Get help, you may be surprised as to what you find out.
You are fantasizing about other men, you are sexually lonely, and you are sexually frustrated. What are you going to do when a man comes on hard to you when the husband isn't around and and the kids aren't around (or even if they are), and is attractive (or more importantly makes you feel sexually attractive and you know that he wants you)? More likely than not he will get flirted with, will flirt back, he will pursue (or you will), and you will end up having an affair...which will hurt everyone more than counseling will.
Get professional help, don't do this on your own.
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (1 November 2010):
 Stay in a friendship marriage for the kids.
You can work on your marriage - friendship is an excellent basis. You have all the time in the world to work things out.
You can't work on repairing your kids' lives if you split up. Well, you can, but it will never be the same for them.
So: do you want sex, or your kids to have a happy, secure childhood at home with mummy and daddy?
That is my honest opinion, and I speak from experience on all of the above. Put your children first. They only have you and their father, and they are only kids. They can't help themselves. That's what you're for.
And you are also v young. If the worst comes to the worst, have the next 15 years with your man, then if you really have to, split up. At least the kids will have had their childhood.
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