A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi everyone, ive joined a dating site and have been talking to one particular man for 2 month and we are meeting next week . the thing is i think hes pinning all his hopes on me . he messages me and calls me sexy (im far from that ) he also tells me he misses me , but we havent even met , hes told me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me . isnt this too much too soon ? im not sure how to take what he says so to avoid any possible disappointment i dont reply with i miss him too and put all of my everything on him . im not a very out spoken person im worried if when we meet we dont 'click' or that he likes me more than i like him . yes i am nervous , i just want to be prepared as anything could happen . is he being too much with what he says or am i just worrying over nothing ? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2015): Other comments here are so right. You don't know each other in the real world. So whatever you may have built up over the Internet has no real weight until you meet in person. So to say he wants to spend the rest of your life with someone he has not met is a bit mad. I would be realistic, even if he isn't. And try and bring things back down to earth. Meet somewhere very public, like a coffee bar, and take things one step at a time. All thing considered, be wary, he may be expecting more from you than you are anticipating.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (16 August 2015):
 I think he is just really bad at wooing you. I DO agree that if he has this whole FANTASY build up in his head that you are his his future wife etc. it's a HUGE FAT red flag.
You have common sense and you seem quite capable in staying grounded.
If his behavior makes you NOT want to met him, then don't. I would tell him, that you feel he is moving way to fast and it is making you uncomfortable. Then cut the contact with him.
If you on the other hand is curious, make sure you meet him in a neutral and public area. And don't let him drive you home. Make it a SHORT date (like lunch or coffee).
I'd also like to point out that guy who goes 150mph in the "courting" right out the gate...(whole marriage, kids, travels to Paris an so forth) are like a bottle rocket - they zoom ahead but burn out quickly.... And you will be left with a guy who "isn't really ready to date" after all... Or one who is very clingy and controlling.
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A
male
reader, mfj78 +, writes (16 August 2015):
If he says he wants to spend the rest of his life with you without even meeting then that's a huge, frantically waved red flag!After 2 months of online interaction, you don't know each other at all. The way we present ourselves online is not how we are in reality. He doesnt know you really anymore than I do!Until he meets you and gets to know you past the initial "best behaviour" period, he wont know you at all. How can he claim to want to spend the rest of his life with you when for all he knows, no offence, you could have bad breath, pick your nose or fart in public (just like me)?He sounds like one of those clingy types who needs to feel loved and needs someone to commit to him to feel less insecure. I used to work with a guy like that - he would marry a stranger if she was willing to do so. Personally, and I have done this on internet dating sites, I would say "im sorry but your moving way too fast for me and talk of spending our lives together without even meeting and missing me without knowing me is a way too much" and either go no contact or gradually let it fizzle out. You don't want to meet him and get stuck with an overbearing guy who wont leave you alone! It will be easier and safer to walk away NOW rather than after meeting him and then finding out he is a desperately insecure guy who wont stop serenading you with tales of love and commitment after two minutes and wont leave you alone.Besides what if, after a few weeks he declares he loves you? How would you ever know its real bearing in mind he wants to stay together with you for ever and ever when he doesnt know you from Adam? Or Eve.Online dating can be fun BUT there are a lot of strange people in that world. Enjoy internet dating but be wary, and don't meet anyone who acts like this. Better to be overly harsh in your judgement than have him ringing you all day and all night asking who you are with and what you are doing because that is likely to be the next step. Mark
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2015): no,you have the voice of common sense speaking inside of you.its too much too soon and its making you question his validity and part of you is wondering if he is latching on to you a bit.Be cautious.
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