A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi Everyone,I broke up with my boyfriend a couple months ago. I went "no contact" for the first 2 weeks but it was too difficult for me...I missed him so much, to the point of physical pain. Is this typical?We've been talking since then, which is much easier than no contact, but is it just prolonging the pain? We have agreed that neither one of us is looking for anyone else...we'll both we graduating and moving to different states this year, so neither one of us wants a new relationship right now. We've also agreed that we're both on the same page about not dating--neither one of us is trying to lead the other on, or hoping to get back together.Is it okay that I still talk to him and see him sometimes? Or should I stop now so that it will be easier when we both move away?Thank you!!
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (21 March 2013):
For me, the best way to get over a breakup was to get out there immediately and get dating again. The moments of my life I squandered wallowing over a breakup was truly some of the most wasted time ever.
A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (21 March 2013):
 "We have agreed that neither one of us is looking for anyone else...We've also agreed that we're both on the same page about not dating--neither one of us is trying to lead the other on, or hoping to get back together."
For someone that has broken up you're agreeing to a lot of things that are completely unnecessary. These are the types of decisions that you make when you're in a romantic relationship. You don't have these types of conversations with regular friends. When you're chatting about how you WON'T have any other future romantic relationships with other people, it's pretty clear that you two shouldn't talk.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 March 2013):
 I'm with SageOldGuy on this... break ups like this lead to FWB and then when you graduate and move home, it will end gradually if you both let it... then one will meet someone new.... and it will be over and done...if this works for you go for it.it actually sounds less painless this way I think as you never really break up you just drift apart....
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (20 March 2013):
 everyone handles things differently. for me personally, it tends to be easier to go no contact and remove them from facebook, etc, because for me, out of sight out of mind. plus, i found myself obsessively wanting to check facebook to see if anyone was talking to them or flirting with them. and if i construed anything as flirtation, it drove me insane and ruined my day. i realized it was best for me not to see them or speak to them. that way i didn't have to know if they were dating anyone else or anything like that. ignorance is often bliss. at least for me in regards to that.
then after a while, i tend to maintain some sort of friendship with them after we've both had some time to get over one another and move on. in fact, i've had a couple of exes get married somewhat recently and i sent my congratulations to them, as i was legitimately happy for them. no hard feelings at all.
do i think it's necesssarily healthy and for the best to speak to each other and form these sort of rules you two have about dating other people? not really, because it's inevitably setting you both up for failure when one of you will undoubtedly begin dating someone else before the other. and what happens then?
but honestly, if this is working for you both and easing some of the pain of seperation, than by all means, do it. i see no harm if it's helping. just be prepared that you both will inevitably be parting ways and seeing other people eventually. don't let this trick your mind back into thinking you're subconsciously back together. best of luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2013): Yeah no contact is the best way. The bandaid analogy is the best one.
I mean give me a break you still have agreed to be exclusive even though you're not together. You really think either of you will stick to it if someone else comes along? What then you're going to say no because you don't want to hurt your ex? Nope, the next girl he gets with is going to feel like the most painful thing ever because you're not actually letting go of him OP, you're clinging on to anything you can get just so you don't have to deal with the pain, but is the pain gone? No, it's just going to stay far longer.
You're far too emotionally attached still and you're keeping that emotional attachment, how you think you can move on and keep that going strong is beyond me. That's like giving up chocolate but then going to work for Willy Wonka.
Op you can't make agreements with an ex about not dating, you're both single now. Only a fool would date so soon after a break up but as soon as he meets a girl he'll go for it regardless of your agreement because he owes you no exclusivity at all.
Look don't worry about it, maybe this is the way that is best for you now, but if the pain becomes too much, if you find it too hard to move on then break contact. OP you're only relieving the loss temporarily, you're still going to have to deal with being broken up, you're just delaying the inevitable and frankly you're setting yourself up for another break up when you can't see him anymore, and then more heartache when you find out he's seeing someone else, then more heartache when you see his relationship status change on Facebook, or pictures of them together etc.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (20 March 2013):
 My prediction? That you and he will choose to be F-buddies, or FWBs until graduation.... then... who knows?
Have fun,... and, Good luck....
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (20 March 2013):
 It's like ripping off a bandaid. You can either concentrate the pain and get it over with faster, or you can prolong it. The more contact you have, generally the longer it will take. I know one person who maintained contact with an ex and it took him 3 years to get over a 6 month relationship due to it.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (20 March 2013):
 If the rltshp was dramatic toxic or nasty breakup no contact is best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2013): Well I think you've already answered your question yourself, you said its easier for you to stay in touch with him than to go no contact, and different things work for different people. Personally I find the no contact rule best for me in this situation because it helps me to realise quicker that a relationship is over and it helps me get used to not being close to the other person anymore.
And why can't you stay in touch when you both go to different states? I'm guessing you both can communicate several ways from phone to internet or even letters (as a last resort).
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