A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My wife has family in San Diego that we visit sometimes and over the past few years, on and off, her sister, who is also married, has been flirty with me. There have been instances where she has "accidentally" exposed herself, talked to me about how she has flashed others and got compliments on her breasts, and has told me (while my wife is in the room) that she is not wearing any bra or panties under her dress. She has done things like go to the bathroom at my home while leaving the door open, slapped my knee while laughing too hard at a joke I made, said "I love you" in a tone that is NOT sisterly among other subtle things.My wife has told me that her sister is very flirty and exhibitionistic and that is the way she just relates to men, and if it is personal to me at all, it is only to make her jealous, not that she has any actual feelings toward me. My wife told me that she has 1) cheated on her husband before (and I also know she cheated on a previous boyfriend because she told me herself) and 2) She has "lured" at least one in-law, her cousin's husband, into making a pass at her and then exposed him.I have been open with my wife about all of this. I have told her that I would never make a pass at her sister, even though she is VERY attractive, not only because I am married, but also because her sister is someone that I could never become involved with because I don't like her. I have, of course, had sexual thoughts about her, which my wife understands, but they are only sexual thoughts that have resulted from seeing every inch of her skin at one time or another. I have no emotional attraction whatsoever, and can't even respect someone who acts like this.But here is what is really screwed up. My wife still wishes that I liked her more. My wife does not like the fact that I am distant from this woman, don't want to talk to her and avoid her.My wife and I run a business together. Recently, she hired her teasy sister to work for me. Luckily this is remote work, but I don't really want her to be working for me anyway. Normally I do all the hiring for my division, but my wife did this without my consent.I told my wife recently that I feel like I can get along with everyone in the company and have friendships with everyone that go beyond just us working together, all except for her sister, whom I don't really like. My wife said I should be more friendly with her sister.So I said "do you want me to do lunch with her too?" and my wife said I should.I cannot believe that my wife would want me to be anywhere alone with her sister knowing how she is and how I feel about it. I am further offended that she would put her sister in my employ without my consent.Its almost like she is testing me. This is nuts.
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bra , breasts, cousin, flirt, jealous, sister in law Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOMG, this is unbelievable. I was at my in-laws this weekend and my mother in law was on MSN with her son, and the sister in law and her were playing around that she was about to moon him. I walked into the kitchen and saw my mother-in-law tugging down at her pants, revealing a small portion of her ass (to her BROTHER) and then the mother-in-law says to me "I caught you looking!!!". These people, all of them are out to lunch!!! And I no longer think my wife is an exception, as she went around in a nighty which you could easily see that she was wearing no bra or panties.
A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (8 April 2012):
 I hate playing games, but if it's forced on you you gotta cope. Sounds like you're holding your end up fine.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've taken a new approach. Basically, with the flirting, I flirt back, but I don't cross the line, and I do it in such a way that leaves HER wondering, and wouldn't get me in any trouble.
With the "revealing": when she has "shown skin" in the past, she would always say "its just skin!". So I have decided to take the same attitude.
So that's all I say, "Its just skin" indifferently and don't validate it any further.
So I'm giving her the same confusing, mixed signals that she is giving me. And when she goes to far, I neutralize it.
No one can say I behave inappropriately, nothing gets dangerous, I leave her wondering, and if my wife is indeed setting me up, this will drive her nuts too.
I think the truth of the situation will surface if I keep this up long enough.
As far as her working for us, she works in sales and on commission only now, so she will either prove herself and make money for the company, or she will go broke trying and seek work elsewhere.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI really like all this feedback. I am also starting to wonder if maybe my wife does not want to be married any more and figures she can get more from the divorce settlement if she can have her sister testify to an affair or my making a pass at her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2012): I know a girl similar to your in law. All you need to do is, te next time she publicly exposes her self, tell her to get over herself, and spend the rest of the time focused on your wife, if she starts to talk to you, politely give a short reply then change your eye contact away from hers, don't allow her to get away with exposing herself, it's childish. Get her out of your work place if possible and don't be alone with her, who knows what she could try? The girl I know ruined a relationship with her games, you can't let that happen to you, assert your dominance, both woman are pushing you around and you need to stand up to the both of them.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe power aspect rings true. Sex is just a tool for her. I also realize from this that my wife wants to exert her power over me and our business is a continual power struggle.
Her sister had abused her growing up. She has said and done nasty things other than what I have discussed.
I think I am fighting two women here.
Good advice, fatherly.
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (16 January 2012):
 You are all missing something here. What is the Sister in laws motivation? It isn't sex. It isn't close family relations. It is power. She wants to prove that she has more power to attract you than your wife does. Really she just wants to prove that she is the most powerful person. She feels that the "rules" only apply to lesser mortals. that is why she leaves the door open. That is why she openly baits you in front of your wife.
At some time in the past your sister in law has established dominance in her relationship with your wife. Now every time things don't go her way she pouts, and viola, your wife rolls over and lets her have her way. For example your wife never hires for your division, yet suddenly she hires her sister to work there. why? Because sister in law has the power to make her do it.
So what should you do? You have so far maintained you position of power. This is what your wife expects you to do. She expects you to protect her from her sister by being more powerful than her sister. Good news you are more powerful. Exert your power by first maintaining "your rules" no single meetings with her or any other woman, this is your rule and she can't make you break it. Second remove her from the position she unrightfully got in your company. Either transfer her or find enough documented proof of incompetence or of misdoing to fire her.
When you do she will go to your wife to get her position back. You will show your wife the evidence and explain that in order to maintain discipline at work you can not show favors to a relative. Inside you wife will be relieved that you have maintained your power and your integrity.
In the end the most important factor is power. If you give in to temptation just once she will have power over you. She will wreck your marriage and your life. Just look at what she is willing to do to your wife now. It is ok for you to be civil to her. It is even ok to be nice and like her. But, you have to remain dominant. Expect her to push against you that is what dominant people do.
FA
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI want to add. Several years ago at a party where the sister was being too flirty with me, I put her in her place when she said "what's the matter, you don't like me?" and I gave her a flat "no". This was after she had hugged me very tightly. She then tormented my wife for the next few days about what a jerk I was. It seems I walk a very fine line on this matter, and I just don't want to be in this situation any more. Sometimes I think both my wife and sister are crazy.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2012): If this isn't a test, I don't know what it. She made a pass at her cousins husband and then exposed him. She is obviously being used by the females in the family ot expose husbands. I'm a female, trust me on this one.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2012): Wow your right, this is nuts! Its even confusing me! I think you should sit down and talk to your wife but this time put your foot down and tell her your uncomfortable and if she doesnt stop her sisters behavior its going to cause major problems in the relationship. Threaten divorce if you have to ,not to literally get a divorce of course but just to let your wife know how strongly you feel about this! And that your serious. Your wife is weird by the way
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionC.Grant you are right! That is the simplicity of it. I should never ever be alone with the sister. Who knows what my sister in law might fabricate! If I reject a pass she makes at me, she may get vengeful and hurt, it happens.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2012): You need to tell your wife how you feel about this and make it clear that you don't want to spend time with her sister at all. That she would ask you to be in this situation is crazy. Her sister obviously has issues and there is no reason for you to spend time with her.
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male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (16 January 2012):
If your wife is testing you, it doesn't sound like it's that tough a test. You don't like the sister and you're on to her game. So -- under no circumstances are you ever alone with the sister.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't completely understand your response, Ihavewomanbeaters. But then again, I should probably further my post to simply say that I don't appreciate my wife thrusting me into this awkward position. She may know that I will never cheat on her, and therefore may think its OK to put this flirty person in my world.
I think that its cruel on her part, knowing how her sister is shoving me into a position where I have to deal with her MORE. Or she is simply unaware of how sexual teasing affects me, or any man for that matter.
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (16 January 2012):
 Get a tape recorder and tape the en tire conversation, including you saying in the conversation, "this is being recorded".
Then, do whatever you feel like doing.
Then tell your wife that is what she gets for testing you, and that you are not the kind to do it.
IF she doesn't trust you, divorce her.
I, personally would tell her that after the 2nd time she broguht it up.
you think i cheat? Good bye.
Say that to her and see her reaction.
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