A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I spent some time abroad because of some family issues, nothing to do with my wife. She was very understanding. Whilst I was there, she told me she started talking to somebody on the internet and he was just a friend, so I did not think much of it. When I came back, 3 months later, I woke up in the morning and caught her talking on the phone. I heard her asking questions like what do you think about me and laughing all luvy duvy. I confronted her about it, she resisted to tell me, then she finely did. She said they are just friends and she was upset, but a few days before this, she told me that she wished she had this guys number because he was such a nice guy, 1st lie. Then a couple of days later, I told her to talk to the guy on the speaker phone so I could listen, so she could prove that nothing is going on, she got angry at me and would not do it.2 weeks later, i caught her again, because she tried to call the guy, she said she was looking for the number for me so I had it to prove nothing was going on. Supposedly, she lost the number. It seems like she's lying to me, and she's acting all normal like nothing happened. I have totally lost my trust in her now, and I feel we need to take a break, we have been married for nearly 5 years. Please help. I don't know what to do. We are having a hard time communicating about it. We still get on really well and she acts all normal like nothing happened. But if I bring this up, she shuts off
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female
reader, Misti Hdz +, writes (3 May 2008):
 I understand where you may be uncomfortable, and it may seem like there is something more because of the lies, but when you are angry about something, even if she isn't doing anything wrong, she will lie to keep you from getting mad, my advice to you is to allow it, don't say anything if you catch her talking to him, as hard as this may be, and when she realizes that you are fine with it she will do it in front of you without being sneaky, but if she is still secretive about it after you have shown that you trust the frinedship, than she is hiding something or there is more to them and you need to stop it.
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (3 May 2008):
 How did she tell you she had started talking to someone on the internet? Was it out of the blue or was it part of a conversation.
If she just offered that information for no reason, I'd see it as kind of an admission, in order to gage your reaction and get it off her chest. If you didn't explode, she could proceed, after all, she's told you and you didn't say no. By not voicing your disapproval, you've given approval. It's sneaky but common. We keep doing things until we're told otherwise.
It's possible they are "friends", in this computer age. There should be no secrets though. She may call him at off hours because he's in a different time zone. Regardless, why would she be asking him what he thinks about her? It's one of those questions we don't ask people.
This probably started as an on line buddy thing. Be happy you've found out and voiced your unhappiness about it. At this point it seems the only line she's crossed is being silly enough to have her ego stroked by a a stranger. She is defensive because she's trying to justify her actions. She assumes that because they have not fooled around, they have not done anything wrong. What she doesn't realize is that she is getting attention from a man who might want more. He is not entitled to that and it makes you jealous.
It's difficult for people to be honest with themselves in these situations. They believe they can handle the "friendship", basking in the attention, without going to far. It's a slippery slope. Add the mystery of the internet and it can be big trouble.
Tell her how much you love her, your fears and reasons. If there are issues in the marriage, get help.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2008): Well i'm not sure if i completely understand you because i've never been married...
But i can understand how hard can that be..
Let's see both ribs:You were 3 months abroad..so your wife didn't know what to do and Yes she has a little flirt with that net man..and when you came..she didn't want to tell you something because it wasn't something serious..But on the other hand maybe he want him..and is serious so she don't know what to do..
Sometimes we make things so complicated!
The best thing that you can do is to talk with her!
Tell her that you want her to be honest with you..whatever that is..You must accept it!
If she still loves you she will approve it..
Relax and talk...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2008): Hi Hunny
Ive got male friends they phone I dont hide it from my fiance he is usually in the room, Infact he has there numbers on his phone incase they cant get hold of me for any reason..I have a male friend I talk with on the net his wife listens and talks with me and my fiance joins in and laughs at the fun we all have...The only thing sweetheart I can say to you is the fact that she has had this call and what you heard if proof that something is amiss or she would not be so secretive and hiding everything and not involving you if its just a friend... This is saying in huge letters THIS IS NOT RIGHT!!!!!Im sorry for you upset this is very hard love, This is just my advice hunny what you do is completely your choice I do hope you can sort this out and hopefully talk..WITH LOVE AND PRAYERS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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