A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Can I have children later on in life? Hello aunts I am turning 32 this year and I have no boyfriend and no prospects. I believe I would like to have children but I always fear time is running out. Honestly I HAVE tried everything in the dating department and I have not been lucky with love and I’m scared - I want to have children but I’m also fighting fear! How can I calm myself down? I have my degrees and my corporate job - I’m trying to save and on the outside I look great but on the inside I’m anxious - worried - and nervous that time is running out . I have rushed to relationships before because of time and well they haven’t been let’s say gentlemen ..negligent/abusive men 1. What should I do to erase this fear?2. Can I have babies later on in life?My mother had me when she was young and she is like “will u ever get pregnat or find someone cause I don’t see it happening”My friends also did everything they could to get married right away so they wouldn’t ageHelp! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Greene +, writes (29 April 2018):
32 is young. Don't worry. Plenty of women over 40 have babies -- not all do but many. And over 33, 34, 35, etc., even more.
So you're surrounded by panicked friends and a negative mother. It's natural you're scared. Even without that, it's strange to have a big life situation be dependent on the outside world--some stranger you meet! Same goes with having a home with a man.
We're so used to thinking that things come naturally, in steps, and that they're either inevitable stages of life or stages that we cause to happen. It was definitely a scary realization for me (which I had in my 30s) that a lot of these big life events are dependent on other people -- in a way, the world at large!
It sounds like you've spent enough time doubting yourself; an idea: put in equal time doubting your circumstances. It's not just you acting alone here; it's you in an environment, and it's not necessarily an environment set up for you to succeed. Failure so far is not necessarily a commentary about you or your desirability.
Doubt how the men around you are acting (do many just want sex? "casual dating"? that's very common nowadays, and it's not your fault: you can't build a home and have adult things in life with a one-night-stand-seeking or informal-dating-seeking man); doubt the pressure that women get, that your friends got; perhaps doubt your mom's perspective (when she was young, it might have been more common to "settle down" in one's 20s; maybe that's not the case now, or in the social circle you live in).
Anyway, I'm no doctor, but based on the absurdly high number of women I know (nearly every mother I know) who had children after 35, I think you have plenty of time.
Rather than doubt yourself, think practically and strategically about your situation, what's going on (do you have an office job where you don't interact with anyone you'd want to marry and that means you're left with bars or Tinder?), what the pressure means, and solutions for putting yourself in different circumstances that will up your chances. While I think it's OK to settle a TINY bit (not wait for absolute perfection) when it comes to dating or marrying, I hope you don't settle in any of the big ways (the importance of ending up with a kind, loyal, responsible person whom you're attracted to) as some of your friends may have.
Good luck!
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (28 April 2018):
Where I'm from 32 is not considered old for having kids. I see women in their 40s have kids regularly. The truth is that it's harder on your body and the likelihood of complications does go up, so maybe you should see a doctor about preparing your body for eventually getting pregnant so that you and the baby are as healthy as possible when that time comes. Eat healthy and exercise and that's probably all you need to do aside from finding the right person.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 April 2018):
 It's not likely that you can't have kids at your age, but you could consider freezing some eggs for later use.
As for how do you erase that fear? I can't say. You could go have a check up and talk to a doctor about fertility.
Can you have babies later on in life? Sure, it's possible. My friend was in the same boas as you and at 39 she had her first (and only) child via sperm donor. She met the guy for her 3 years later, and they are now married.
Marrying young doesn't mean they won't age. :)
It just means they prioritized family over career. And sometimes it also means they settled for men they wouldn't pick later in life. Others just FOUND the one they could see themselves grow old with.
I think it's funny that you mom says: when will you get pregnant OR find someone. Why not both?
When you say men you dated in the past were negligent/abusive men, did you go for a certain type? Where did you meet them? Or did you let them "pick" you?
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