A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Warning: This question is kind of long. I appreciate all opinions. Thank you for reading!I have a problem and desperately need some advice and help. I know I’m like the majority of teenage girls out there, who have experienced this at one point in their lives. And, I know its very impractical, won’t ever work, etc. But I can’t help it. I have a crush on my teacher. Let me give you a little background information. First of all, I’m not a little immature 13 year old girl. I’m 17 years old, nearly 18, and am a senior in high school. He is about thirty years old, so there is a twelve to thirteen year age gap.Anyway, he is my band/music teacher. My little crush started very harmlessly in the summer, when band practice started up. He would give me extra attention (seriously, I’m not just making it up in my mind--I’ll prove it to you) which he didn’t do last year. And, he would pick on me and tease me a little bit (which I secretly enjoyed.) When school started, he asked me to be his student aide during my free period. Of course I agreed! So now, not only do we have music class, we also have my free period together (during that class period, its just him, another male student, and I.)At first, I was really nervous around him during my free period. But, I’ve gotten to know him so well, and the nervousness just faded away. He is a funny, little bit nerdy, sweet, cute guy. I love talking to him, and I think he enjoys my company as well. On top of class, we also have football games together. He would often say things to me. One game, he hit me with his hat playfully as I was walking by him, and said something jokingly to me. He often says playful things to me at these games, and other people noticed. One night he said something to me, and one girl turned to me and said something along the lines of, “It’s kind of weird how he always talks to you/jokes with you.” Etc. So other people were noticing the attention he gave me. At the last game we had, we were waiting to perform on the field, and we still had some time. He was walking around the whole band, and out of all the 140 ish people in the band, he walks up to me, looking at me. I looked at him and smiled, and he came over and stood really close to me. Our bodies were touching. Granted, there wasn’t a lot of room between each person lined up in the band, but he was standing closer to me than he was the other girl. He started chatting with me. When we have my free period together, I often joke and even flirt with him. I don’t know if he is picking up on it, but we talk very easily and laugh a lot.Sometimes he seems to flirt back. Like one day, we had to set up the chairs for the band. He said he was going to make me do it all alone (joking and started laughing)and I was like no you better help me! He was laughing, and I think flirting with me. When we would plan to go outside during the school day for rehearsal, during free period he would always say, “Are you excited to go outside today?” or “We’re going outside today!” Because I told him before that I hated it and he would joke with me. He also asked me if I was upset that marching band was over and I replied definitely not. In front of the whole band one day, he was talking about how good of a marching season we had, how we’re all probably sad its over, unlike [insert my name] and he smiled at me. He singled me out in front of the whole band during class…He does this often, and jokes or smiles sometimes-which I’ve noticed that he doesn’t do this stuff with other girls. He also confides in me during our free period, talking about his life-which surprised me. I just feel like I could talk to him about anything.I feel like I’m reading the signals right. I really do like him. Kind of got over him for a while, but now I’m back to liking him. I just can’t stop! He treats me with respect, is nice to me, jokes with me, and gives me attention. I love it! It’s not really sexual thing, I just really enjoy his company, and well…I wouldn’t mind kissing him! But, I really would love just being good friends with him. He is a great guy. If he is not into me, I’ll accept that. Honestly, I do think he likes me, but I need someone to help me out with this. Do you think he likes me? I’m not saying I want to pursue this or get him in trouble, but I just want to know what others think. Thanks!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2009): Thanks for all of your responses! I'm not sure if it's anything, but I'm definitely not going to pursue him or anything-I'm his student! Thank you Peanut Butter, I do think he has gotten to know me and never thought that maybe he just is comfortable around me. Again, thanks for the responses, helped me figure this out!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2009): hi, i totally agree with you here on the fact that you think your teacher having a crush on you. but i know it's amazing having that feeling of something flirting with you and thinking you are the greatest thing in the world. yet, i don't know if it would work out with you guys and stuff. but you know you should give it a shot like when you graduate or something get his phone number and always keep in touch with him. you never know, it could work. good luck to you and almost happy thanksgiving. lol
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A
female
reader, kitty_3 +, writes (21 November 2009):
 i'm in the same situation as well! i'm 17 and my teacher is 30, but he's my social studies teacher... but still. i get where you're coming from.
i feel like he's beginning to like you as a friend, and the "flirting" you perceive is merely his friendliness, though i suppose it depends on how he says it (of course, none of us are actually there).
i think you definitely have a chance at a post-grad friendship, but i'm not sure about any relationship. is he married? dating? what kind of "personal" matters does he talk about with you? this can be very telling.
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A
female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (21 November 2009):
 Hey, I can fully understand that it might feel very real and very warm to be flirted with and given attention by your teacher, of whom you have a crush, but I think the thing you need to be careful of here is that you're thinking this over in your mind and may be making it into a bigger deal that it actually is.
For a start you're his pupil and no matter how old you are in relation to him it would be holy unprofessional for him to have any kind of relationship with you if he wants to keep his career in tact.
As for the extra attention he has been apparently lavishing on you, I feel that it might be nothing more than the fact that he feels less guarded around you because of the time you spend together in classes, free periods and games. He obviously doesn't spend as much time with the other students in the same way and so must feel less able to communicate with them than he does you. If he spent as much time in a social surrounding with each of the other students in your class then he may well be able to interact with them on a slightly more relaxed level in the same way as he does you - it is like when you've been working in a job for 10 years and seen other people come and go, you've had the same boss and you both have been chatty and friendly over those 10 years. While you're not about to run off with the boss or vice versa, those years of contact with that person allows you to feel far more relaxed around them and more able to be yourself than perhaps you would with the new workers entering that environment because you have a "history".
Try not to take his actions or words to mean anything other than gesture of having gotten to know you a little better than the other students and feeling able to talk. You should also consider keeping your distance from him for your own sake, as well as his just in case his intentions are not as honourable as they might be.
This man should be off limits to you whether he is flirting with you or not - if he is, you could both get into some serious trouble and he would lose a job and license to teach along with a very bad reputation for corrupting young girls - even if you feel you are mature.
I suggest back away from this one and save everyone a lot of anguish. If he wants to be friends with you outside of the learning environment he's going to have to wait a year or two until you're no longer studying there - at which point you may have been able to move on.
Good luck xx
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A
female
reader, lovingwoman10 +, writes (21 November 2009):
I'm in the exact situation. i'm 18 and hes 30. I'm so attracted to him that I'm always thinking about him. i think this guy def thinks your attractive or appealing. My former teacher did the same to me, he'd compliment me and talk sweet to me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2009): I am currently experiencing the same thing. The teacher I have a crush on is the way yours is treating you. Giving me attention, joking around with me, etc. It's really hard and confusing to tell what kind of signal they are trying to send you! Of course, they are our teachers and can't really act on their feelings (if there are any), just like we can't act on ours.
Honestly, I think he may just like your company, the way you enjoy his. I'll admit that he probably considers you to be more than a student - similar to a best friend or whatnot. The way he treats you are the signals of a friend, and nothing more - as I realize now that's how my teacher treats me.
Men are sometimes goofy and don't realize that they may be sending thoughts into their student's heads. But he probably prefers you over every other student he has if you excel at his class and spend loads of time with him, which you obviously do.
I probably can't answer this question as well as someone else, as I am experiencing it right now, too. But in my point of view, I think he just thinks of you as a really good student.
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