A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,My fiance and I have been engaged for about a year or year 1/2. Lately, I've been concerned: (1) When we're on the phone, he doesn't really talk to me. He says that since we've become engaged, there's really nothing left to talk about; (2) I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about the fact that on my Graduation day (June 2007), he showed up with a hangover and I didn't find out until after the ceremony; (3) When we're on the phone, all he wants me to do is initiate phone sex by talking about my past experiences, and like this is all he wants to talk about, and its only to help him "release" !!!; (4)I got laid off from my job in (June 2009), and he actually laughed at me like it was really a joke!!! And this was only my 1st time getting laid off. He made me feel so bad, but yet I felt so miserable. But, he's been laid off "twice" and all I did was console him and tell him "It's going to be okay". During the times that all this was happening, my emotions didn't really show, whether I was alone or with him. Now, it's like whenever he's at work I just sit and cry and wonder: Is he really happy with me? Does he really respect me and my feelings? Everytime a friend or friends come over to his house, he always rushes to hang up with me to talk to them and/ or goes with them somewhere. It's like lately he's paying less attention to me, like I'm not all that important anymore.Whenever company comes to his house, they're only coming to see his brother and he knows. But he doesn't seem to care. It's like all of a sudden he is getting tired of me; like he just wants to get away from me. When we first started talking, which at this point he didn't really have a cell phone... he would do whatever to talk to me.Now, when he gets home he'll rush into his brothers room to watch a movie with him. Then when the movie is over, he'll go cook, eat and then call me.He used to call me right when he came in from work. Like a month ago, he just bought a cell phone, which you would think he's talking to me more, but he is not!!!It's like our relationship doesn't really mean anything anymore. What should I do? How should I feel?
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male
reader, LoverBoy91  +, writes (28 February 2010):
 I agree with IHateWomanBeaters, you need to be completely honest and direct with him, tell him how you feel and that if he doesn't make a significant change in his way of being with you, you're going to have to break up with him. It's as I said, people tend to respond when they lose or are about to lose something or someone.
I really hope you solve the problem and keep on with your wedding plans in the future. Good luck!
(I'd rather not leave it to luck though but to take smart actions instead, if you understand what I mean...)
A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (27 February 2010):
 Again...You need to, at the very least, be assertive in telling him w hat you want.If he does not change, then realize he will not change and IF you stay, you will be miserable.Absolute misery.Or, you can leave him.Its one or the other.-IHateWomanBeatersPS I'd say the same thing to a man who is not getting along with his fiance.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the comments and suggestions.He works during the day, but even when we talk on the phone he doesnt even hardly mention how his day went anymore. I have to ask him, "Honey, how was work today?" I just find it offensive how he seems to have so much to talk about with his dad and his brother all the time, even when we're on the phone... but yet we hardly have anything to talk about. I just feel like our relationship is getting old to him. Yes, he always chooses for me to tell him of my past sexual experiences with other men. I absolutely could not stand him looking at porn, and he says that's why he'd rather me initiate the phone sex. I just dont find it fair how I have to tell a naughty conversation every single night just so he can "bust"!!! We dont live together because we're not married. Plus, he still lives with his dad/brother and I still reside with my parents/ twin brothers!!!
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A
male
reader, LoverBoy91 +, writes (25 February 2010):
Ok, 1) Why does he say there's nothing left to talk about? It may be because he does nothing in his everyday life and thus he doesn't have anything to talk to you about. My girlfriend right now is not that intelligent and does not talk to me about stuff like college, or school, or science or anything smart, but she works at Wendy's fast food restaurant and even though you might think it's a crappy, not-interesting work then you're wrong. She always has something to talk to me about his day at work. So maybe you can tell your fiancee to talk to you about his day at work, or just gossip with him about the your 40 year old neighbor having an affair with a 21 year old girl (that's an example of gossip Lol) or whatever else is news around you.2) Attending you graduation with a hangover isn't necessarily bad, at least he didn't miss your graduation by going to drink with his friends and then the day after tells you why he didn't go.3)I'm not sure what you mean by "talking about my past experiences", is it like asking about your past sexual experiences with other men, or your past sexual experiences with him? If it's about your past experiences with other guys then you should tell him you don't wanna talk about that because it's outside the relationship between you both and is of no relevance. I'm sure that by saying this the phone sex idea will get out of his mind will go, if not, then deviate from his objective by changing topics whenever he's close to the phone sex thing, and just evade him. If it really bothers you then just tell him that you don't like to do that kind of stuff through the phone, than you don't feel comfortable.4) That was not a nice thing of him to do, you should tell him how you felt about him laughing, and telling him that you didn't do that when he was lain off of his job (twice) and that he should be more comprehensive about it and comfort you. Summary, you should talk to him about the problem in 1) and 4) which are the ones that might might affect the relationship in the long run, and possibly 3) if he doesn't put off the phone sex thing, because it's something that usually people get tired of since you're not doing anything but imagining yourselves doing sexual things and stuff. Personally, I got bored of phone sex after like 2-3 months with my girlfriend, and since I pretty much live with her now, I don't have to talk to her through the phone so that is not really a problem I have anymore, but just ask him nicely to back off with the phone sex thing.If everything fails, be ready to tell him that YOU'RE prepared to break up with him if he doesn't cooperate. This should make him react and start to see things your way (that's if he actually wants to continue to be with you). If he doesn't cooperate anyway, then I'm afraid you're gonna have to break up with him then. In my experience, some people don't appreciate what they have until they lose it, I had to learn this the hard way, it's bad to take things for granted, especially relationships. You seem like a great girl and I'm sure that if he loves you, he'll want to fix everything, you just have to help him do it, be patient and comprehensive.Good Luck! (And sorry about the... um... Bible I just wrote for you... =D)
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (25 February 2010):
1. why are you not living together?2. No, if you don't want your life to be one big what if, then get rid of him.You know how it is going to be with him, you have been ENGAGED for 1.5 years.
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