A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Do I have daddy issues?About 3 years ago my dad stopped talking to me and yes, we live in the same house. I don't know why but I was a bit of a rebel. Nothing dramatic but I use to skip school and come home late. He used to lock me out of the house and call the police on me when I skipped school.One day I was leaving out for school and I said "Bye dad"He just shut the door in my face and that was the last time I spoke to him properly. After that he just use to lock me out of the house until the police showed up, He'd start shouting at me when they were their. But once they were gone, not a word.To be honest I'd rather not speak to him. He's an idiot. He lives in the same house as me, my mum and my sisters and doesn't help my mum do anything.But my mum is forever in his favour. He's practically disowned her too. But when he's away he mood suddenly lifts. My wish is for my mum to leave my dad as to be honest, all of this is driving me crazy. Everytime I tell her to leave, she says his name is on the house too so she can't tell him to leave. I find myself crying or getting so depressed that I can't function and I don't want to get out of bed.This has lend me to have not a lot of self esteem (presumably) as I'm now becoming very clingy to my boyfriend and very dependent on him . It's ruining our relationship.Right now, all I care about is myself. I want to become a happy adult (I'm 18 in a week) and I want my relationship to work.I thank God for giving me a dad like him, as now, I know what I'm worth. I was given good attention from him when I was little, but then as I get older. I see how rotten he is to my mum. Which gives me a good example of what I DON'T want in a man.I CANNOT stand being in this environment. Putting it down in writing makes me feel so much better and also understand a lot of what is going on in my head. What do I do to make it stop getting to me, as I cannot do much (Move out etcetc,)All I can do is pray...What should I do about this messed up house I'm living in?
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female
reader, mazzee  +, writes (26 October 2010):
Oh wow, that bit about him being good to you when you were little but now you can see so much more- I totally relate. I was completely coddled as a kid but now that I'm not doing everything my dad wants me to he's become colder. I can see how controlling he is and what an absolute jerk he can be to my mom.And if you're anything like me then yeah, it HAS caused self-esteem issues. Even if you don't realize it. I went to counseling for the first time today and it made me realize a lot of things that I hadn't considered before. In my case, about wanting to please people. For you the specifics are probably different but why not try to see a therapist? It'll help you identify any specific negative thought patterns you could have adopted and you can work through them.As far as your boyfriend- it's good that you're aware of your becoming clingy. Just keep it in mind and really try not to be overbearing. Have you talked to him about any of this? Not necessarily home issues, but maybe just how your self-esteem is affecting you. I think when he empathizes and understands where you're coming from you'll also feel a little more secure. You'll realize that your clinginess is coming as a result of some other source, and maybe you'll learn to come away from it somewhat.How can you stop it from getting to you? Hmm. Good question. I really wish I had the answer to that as well. Seems like even when we rationalize and say that their way of thinking is flawed we somehow hold on to it. I say get a job now and start saving up to move out. Maybe dorm if you're going to college next year. You'll feel more independent when you're making your own income, too.
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