A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm so desperate, I really need help. I have been dating my bf off and on for about 2 years. Last year we decided to make it into a relationship. But this is my problem, I'm not sure if he still wants to be with me. When I ask him, he never gives me a direct answer. All he ever says is that if I didn't want you I would be with you, and we wouldn't be spending this much time together. And his other response was, I don't tell it I show it.I often get this gut feeling that something is wrong with our relationship Sometimes he also acts different, and I get paranoid. He is often distant at times, but he tells me it has nothing to do with me that we are fine. But for some reason I have a bad feeling that he is cheating or involved with someone else. I find that I humble myself to prevent arguments because I'm so afraid of losing him. But last week we had a terrible argument and I confronted him about a lie he told me. He told me he was going to be at work and wasn't, only to call me later that evening and tell me he was tired and called out of work and was at home. When I told him I knew he wasn't at home, because I came over, he got very angry and said things that have had me on edge ever since. But one of the many things that he said to me that I'm not too embarrassed to tell, and would like to know what this means he said, "I'm trying not to hurt you". The other things he said I'm just too embarrassed to mention, but at this point I'm lost. He doesn't want to talk about it, and keeps telling me to leave it alone. When I tell him I feel that things are changing and I feel he doesn't want me anymore, he asks where I'm I getting this from. He went away with his brother this past weekend, he does return my phone calls, but I'm finding that I'm calling him before he calls me. I'm really need help and advice with this one.
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female
reader, cnith +, writes (25 May 2010):
 I can't tell if you're being paranoid or just a 'girl' or if something is really wrong.
I read a rant but not much information... I'm sorry.
But if something is 'wrong' it's because there's a need that isn't being met by him. Find out waht it is and then tell him. If he shrugs you off maybe you should rethink things. I mean, provided it's a reasonable/doable request, right? I mean something like "I need you to make 5 million a year" is not a reasonable request and probably not doable for most of us.
Things have gotten off the track but you need to figure out what it is. The 'I don't want to hurt you' line could mean, I don't know how to tell you this... whatever "this" is...as for lying...what WAS he doing then, if he wasn't at home or at work? did you ever find out?
Maybe next time post as anonymous and tell us what embarrassing things he DID say so we can make a better suggestion.
And do ponder what the other girl said... what is it you're afraid of losing... HIM or the relationship. Are you so afraid of being alone that you're sticking to bad goods?
A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (25 May 2010):
 Sister, this is that dreaded Man Code for: doesn't really give a damn, you're nagging me like you're the old ball n' chain.
What, exactly are you afraid of losing here? Him? You've listed nothing here that convinces me of what he does for you. Like I always say: if it's what your gut is telling you: LISTEN TO IT!
He lied to you and you busted him out about it and he gets a case of the jaws over it?? HE LIED. Period. Lying is a very bad thing. It means he wants to hide the truth from you, so he lied. I, personally maintain a zero tolerance policy on lying. I don't do it to him and I require the same of him.
I am quite fond of the Laws of Probability and those laws say that if you've busted him in one lie then there's approximately 37 others you haven't busted him on.
Also a high probability: If you feel as though something's gone off the rails then that's probably because it HAS.
Also Man Code: "I'm not trying to hurt you" means, I really don't want to deal with a big dust up over this, since it's not terribly important to me.
What are YOU getting out of this relationship other than angst? The signs are not good, I fear. I recommend you examine how much you're benefiting from maintaining this and then CHOOSE WISELY.
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