A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm 30 years of age and my boyfriend is 34, we have been in a relationship for 2 years. I'm concerned that he maybe gay. The thing is my partner is a mans man someone you would never think is gay. He has a reputation as a ladies man and craves attention from women. Ive caught him cheating loads of times and he'll flirt with anything for attention. So now your wondering why I think he's gay. He doesnt beleive in marriage, he settled down for 10 years with someone but was never in love with her, he cheated on her and always but his friends 1st and regulary went away on the motorbike with his single male friend. Then I met him and sometimes he can be loving and other times as cold as ice. He says he loves me in his own way and that I mean everything to him but questions if we have a future. He says he doesnt really know what love is and feels that hes never been in love and hes never been hurt. He doesnt do oral, although he enjoys receiving, the sex is very borring and unloving. There always a feeling that theres something not right. The bottom line is that his mother broke down to me yesterday and said that she has a very strong feeling that hes gay and has thought it for the past 10 years. She hates the way he treats women and thinks that his womanising is purley a cover up or a way of trying to make him think that hes not gay. His mood swings for wanting to be in a relationship one minute then saying he'd be better off on his own the next. She thinks that the reason he cant love a woman is because he's secretly gay, hes the type of man that would never admit being gay even if he was, he has to much of a reputation as a "ladies man" and very macho. Although he can be so cold and distant on times. And then the next very loving and caring. I know this doesnt make sense, but are there any tell tale signs that he is gay or confused. I'd appreciate any advice.
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female
reader, found89  +, writes (26 June 2011):
I think hes gay how do u be in a relationship for ten years n not want to be commited in his mood swings are a big sign in it dosnt matter if his male friend is single r not how much do they go out then his mother says she thinks hes gay not good apparently shes being seeing a pattern that isnt normal if i was u i would investigate in follow your gut in be prepared for the worst i hope u the best
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2011): Honestly whether he is deeply in denial and in the closet or not makes no difference. Do cut ties with this relationship and when you do make it clear it is because of his womanising behaviour. While you are at it mention what his mother has said and watch for a response.
To be honest it could be a whole number of things, did his father or a family member abuse him Maybe his mother is hiding something and is using her own smokescreen - THEY both sound screwed up and even narsisstic and weak.
I feel terrible for him, but what about YOU.
This does not sound like a nice relationship or one where any of your emotional needs will ever be met.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2011): I don't know that any of these are "signs" that he's gay, but they are signs that maybe he's a little bit afraid of commitment and settling down.
Plenty of straight people don't believe in marriage -- because they don't want to "settle" for someone.
Further, maybe he doesn't do oral, but likes to receive because he's not a very giving person. Frankly, he sounds selfish -- to go off with friends and be cold to you one minute and then be sweet and nice the next -- maybe when he fears he needs to woo you a little more to make up for his cheating and machoness?
No one here can say for sure without knowing him -- but there are plenty of other reasons for his behavior other than he's secretly gay.
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