A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi I have been married for 26 years.We hardly talk ,and sleep in seperate rooms.Last month I asked him to leave we both have slight health problems and I dont think the atmosphere helps either of us.We dont argue .my Daughter contacted him and he told her he does not love me anymore but I do mean the world to him.He has come back home but looks so miserable, we are not short of money and there is no one else.What can I do? I missed him when he left but its almost as if there is nothing left and if it was up to him he would go and never come back.Advice badly needed
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2009): I know you dont want to lose him but is it not hurting you even more when he is showing absolutely no affection to you what so ever?!!You can not stay in a relationship like that, doesn't matter if yer together a year or 50 years, its not good for your sanity!! and it certainly is'nt good for your kids!!I know it seems that you will lose yourself if ye go your separate ways because you have shared many years with him but start a hobby,meet new people!!Even give him a scare,move out for awhile,he will soon see what he lost!! Every guy needs that!!But remember you are never too late in your life to start something new xx
A
female
reader, malvern +, writes (10 April 2009):
 In what way did you miss him when he left? Were you weeping buckets or was it just that you are so used to having him around? You both seem to have got in a terrible rut.Don't stay together just because it's all you know.I'm 56 and been on my own 10 years.I can tell you it's a minefield out there but I'm happier in myself even if there are lonely times. Gradually you get to know other singles in your own age group and your life moves on. I've seen my parents,now in their 80's,ruin each others lives because they've been too afraid to make a break from each other. I was in your situation once and found it unbearable. We divorced amicably. My ex now lives with somebody and I live with our 2 sons. We're all happy - life's too short to be unhappy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOld Guy what you say makes sense.He has always led a very active life and I think taking early retirement he is bored and this has led us to this situation.I do get the feeling from him that he looks back his life and its almost as if he feels some of it was a waste.I do point out to him regularly that he has done very well and that we would have nothing if it was not for his endeavours.He is a good man but very difficult to live with. he does not show emotion very well.I guess its plod on time,in all honesty I could never leave him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2009): Oh dear, your follow-up puts rather a different light on the question. Does he have a friend in whom he confides? Is there some way that you could get around his unwillingness to communicate?
It sounds like he's having a bit of a mid-life crisis. If that's the case, then his funk might be temporary, and it would be unfortunate to have chucked the marriage and then have him come around. I say that only because your relationship is marked by indifference rather than acrimony. If it were a more hostile situation, then getting out would be higher on the list of alternatives.
In my experience the tendency to drift apart, particularly when the child-rearing duties are done, is the default. Without effort on both sides, it becomes increasingly difficult to remember why you got together in the first place. And some days to wonder whether it's worth the bother. If that's the space he's in, and you can't reach him, then you might consider seeing a marriage counsellor.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both for your replies.I agree communication is the key, but how can you communicate with someone who fails to see there is a problem.I have tried sleeping in the same bed and got nowhere apart from him complaining that my breathing kept him awake( I have a mild lung disease and it causes me to gasp for breath in my sleep.Ladies I cuddle and kiss him and tweak his bottom and I am starting to feel humiliation as I get no response back.When he is on the phone to my in laws the happiness in his voice is unbelievable but when he talks to me which is very little his voice is flat.If I was not such a coward i would go myself,I am flogging a dead horse and I think he wishes I would go then he could get on with his life and not feel guilty as it was my choice to leave
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2009): Ok im only 22 and not married so my advice to you maybe totally wrong but after reading this I think that life is too short to stay in a relationship where ye dont even care enough to fite about things.If he says he loves you but not in love with you does that not tell you that its time to call it a day?!I know you've shared many years with him but your young, this should be the time when you enjoy life..I agree with the other agony aunt, go somewhere for a weekend together,talk everything thru and then you'll know what to do..communication is the key!!!!!Good luck xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2009): Well, it doesn't sound like either of you are trying very hard to get things sorted! How about a short easter break somewhere? How about sleeping in the same bed?!
You need to put in a little bit more effort for this relationship to work,
Best of luck,
Cc xxxx
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