A
male
age
51-59,
*uco
writes:I have been married for 12 years and have four young children. Over the past few years my marriage has been under stress and was made somewhat better from counseling early this year. The counseling helped me deal with anger issues and resentment which mostly stemmed from little things like house work etc. For the most part these issues were not huge issues but the resentment caused me to be angry often, not physical or vocal, but rather resentful to my wife and basically disrespectful in my comments and the way I refused to communicate with her or show any emotional support. After counseling I have realized these things are not worth ruining my marriage and honestly I have changed and don't allow these issues to cause strain to our marriage.In that aspect our relationship has improved dramatically, she even said I made a 180 concerning those issues. However from all the years of a "bad relationship" my wife, while she says she loves me, does not feel close to me and is uncertain what she wants to do. When we are together, which is limited due to working separate shifts, I want to spend time with her and hug her and tell her I love her but it's difficult to do these things when I can sense that she does not feel the same. She says she know I have made those attempts and feel guilty for not being there for me that way.Things came to a head recently when I called her from work to discuss the state of our relationship. I told her I even considered contacting a divorce attorney out of frustration. She said over the past few weeks in particular she has had similar thoughts about the future of our relationship but not as far as considering contacting a divorce attorney. While I was just being honest I also think it was a mistake to tell her I have seriously considered divorce as an option.I made it clear that I don't want a divorce and loved her very much but I just want to feel wanted and to be happy. She said she believes we both deserve to be happy but is uncertain if we will ever achieve a "successful" marriage. She said there were just so many years of feeling rejected that she just shut down a long time ago. Last night we spoke in length about things and we both agreed our marriage is worth counseling again. Of course the thought of this all is crushing me as I love my wife and kids dearly, they are everything to me and can't imagine not being with my wife. I have not eaten in a day and can't sleep for the thought of it. Is my marriage dead with little hope of us falling in love again and starting new? I feel hopeless.
View related questions:
crush, divorce Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2007): I don't know if your marriage is dead. There are so many variables to consider, variables applicable to each person (husband & wife). I wish we could take a test to make these determinations.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2007): Just tell her you love her, buy her flowers, take her out for dinner. Make it feel like when you were first dating. That's my tip
...............................
|
