A
female
age
51-59,
*oxy4397
writes:I have been living with my boyfriend for 1.5 years. He has always been faithful and trustworthy. He does however, mention his ex on a regular basis. He'll reference memories they shared, knew what the weather is like in her hometown...I've found out that he is a co-signee for her loan and they are tied together by this til 2011. He had sent her an e-mail asking to be removed and suggested she "get the new love of your life to sign for it"--I detected a lot of bitterness. Since he is now with me--why would he care what her love life is like?Should I worry that he talks about her so often--I'm guessing he must be thinking about her since it's always on the tip of his tongue it seems. I don't think they talk--maybe just an occasional e-mail.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2010): Hi. Yes he still has feelings for her, though what they are, only he knows. If she ended things between them he may still feel bitter. His mention of "love of your life" is quite a dramtic thing to say. Maybe she had told him at some time that he was the love of her life and he really believed it. Hence his mention of it as a sort of barbed comment.
Sometimes it can take a very long time to come to terms with things when a relationship ends. And i mean years!! So have a chat with him and ask for the truth, if you feel you need to know what his feelings are towards her. He may be honest and tell you. Or if you can accept his past, then say no more of it and im sure over time his feelings for her will diminish until you are sure you are the one he loves....which is what i think you are doubting because of his behaviour.
A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (22 February 2010):
It does sound like he still cares about her a great deal. Perhaps she is the one that ended the relationship. Why dont you ask him in the gentlest kindest way you can muster. Just say it in a leading way rather than a direct question. Instead of "do you still love her", ask "you must really still have a lot of feelings for her, innit?"
Its not necessarily a deal breaker as long as he is giving his all to you in this relationship. If however, he is disconnected from you and treats you poorly then you need to question why you are with him.
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