A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:At the beginning of the year I decided I need to widen my social circle and find friends who have children the same age as my daughter. Emailed a few people on Facebook that I went to school with and now back in touch with some old school friends.One friend in particular seems to be quite keen on me, he sent me flowers for Valentines and has told me he likes me. I made it very clear that we would only ever be friends and have made sure he knows this.He did try the usual to see if I would change my mind, jealous ex girlfriend comes back on the scene so we can't be friends that sort of thing. Nope still only ever want to be friends, as I am not attracted to him and can only see him as a friend.Well he does seem to want to keep suggesting he takes me out for dinner - his treat or maybe buy us all a takeaway. We are due to take our kids to a footie game which I don't see as a problem, two parents taking their kids out to a shared interest but he is insisting on paying for the food, parking, etc. I am a single parent but not a very poor one and can quite happily pay my way for me and my child. Feel sometimes like a charity case :(Recently he got bought a family ticket to an attraction in London and suggested we all stay over in a hotel - his treat! This made me feel very uncomfortable and I really won't be doing that. I definitely don't want anyone to get the wrong idea - him, the kids, or people we know. He has told me he really likes me and I have told him he will only ever be a friend. I am getting the impression he is trying to be my knight in shining armour in the hope I might change my mind. He has started wanting to see me every week, which I really don't want to do. I have a busy life and see other friends sometimes too. I don't want to hurt his feelings, he's a nice guy but just not for me.Would be great to hear your views?
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male
reader, GoodDog +, writes (8 August 2011):
 Well, he's just shown you his true colours by sending that message. Obviously only wanted to get to know you for his own reasons. His loss at the end of the day!
Good to know that you are taking this in your stride. Hope you don't get anymore bother from him, though by the sounds of it you can look after yourself!!!
Glad to have been of help - please do feel free to get in touch anytime.
Take care!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUnfortunately he not only deleted me from FB but sent me a very long text message in the early hours hurling abuse and blame. Made out I was some evil bitch and that he had been used and trampled all over. Couldn't have been that bad if he wanted to be more than friends?Was quite hurtful to be honest in some things he said, as if he really knew me and blamed keeping him at a distance on my past. No he was kept at a distance because I was making sure he didn't get any wrong ideas, false hopes and in fact sometimes he made me feel uncomfortable because of his feelings for me.I'm guessing once he has calmed down and reflects on his actions he'll get in touch and apologise, hoping to be friends again. This kind of behaviour really doesn't sit well with me, so sadly I won't be having none of it.Has been nice to talk to someone who has experienced the other side of the coin and given a very honest answer, many thanks for your comments. Best wishes to you too!
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A
male
reader, GoodDog +, writes (6 August 2011):
Well done for taking that first step and taking control of the situation. I'm sure it wasn't easy to do but as you've seen for yourself the results showed he maybe had other intentions with regards to being with you.
The fact that he's deleted you from FB shows that he's spat his dummy out and is sulking because he didn't get what he wanted. I did the same thing when I was in my situation and regretted it afterwards because I realised that to have the girl in my life as just a friend was better than not having her in my life at all. I learnt the hard way and grew up pretty quickly after that!
Anyway, well done again and I hope you are able to move on without him trying to force himself into your life.
Best wishes to you!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your reply and I have definitely taken your advice and cut down contact as much as possible.Unfortunately he didn't take this very well and has deleted me and my children from his FB friends list.To be honest I don't really care but it does show that the things he was doing was not to be my friend but to try and force himself more into my life and hoped that I'd change my mind.He obviously wanted more than I was willing to give and deleted me from his life - but I did tell him that we would only ever be friends, if he hoped for me more fool him.I'm not a nasty person but sadly I had to be firm, direct and to the point and he's probably licking his wounds :(
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A
male
reader, GoodDog +, writes (31 July 2011):
I've been in a similiar situation myself in the past - being friends with a girl I really liked and hoping there was more to it by reading between the lines rather than listening to what she was saying!
I can only say that the best thing to do is take him to one side and tell him firmly that you are happy to have him as a friend and strictly nothing more. Tell him to stop the gifts, suggesting trips together and if he continues refuse them.
Also, if possible, try cutting out contact time with him and go out with your kids without him and his. It will be difficult at first and he may try for a while, but in time he should get the message and accept it.
Hope this helps.
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