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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: So the thing is that I'm in a long distance relationship with this guy who I haven't met yet. He lives so far away, like a couple states over.He used to call me so much and now he calls me less. And when I call, it's like 2 mins we talk and he's like "hunn I'll call you back in a lil bit." And he does, but it's like hours later.Is it beccause he's too busy? Or is he rethinking of being with me?Also, he's always accusing me of things.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2007): My advice to both of you who are in similar situations, is to say that first, long-distance friendships/relationships are never easy. It could be no more than that, never having met, the friendship is starting to be less "real" in her/his mind. This means that its a good idea to try to meet in person fairly soon after you two begin contact.
For one thing, unless and until you meet in person, it is only a POTENTIAL relationship. It exists on your computers, and a voice at the other end of the phone line, yes, but you can not really get to know another person in any depth (despite how comfortable you might feel emailing and talking by phone, and no matter how many personal issues you may tell one another, plus mentioning things you like to do in your spare time).
This is all well and good - and talking by phone is a little better than simply texting or emailing, but its still only one-dimensional. You don't get to see what he/she is like when they've had a bad day, or how they get along with family and friends. You don't get to see the way they live daily - habits, activities, etc. the way you would if you were both living closer and getting together two or three times a week.
Then, too, depending on how far apart you live, there's the practical details of when and how often to meet, and can you afford to take a bus, train, plane, or drive to get there - and have them come to your home - every weekend/once a month/every two, three six months. And I hope you know, of course, that the first meeting should never be in your own home? A person you meet on a dating site or chatroom may be perfectly honest and stable.
BUT as you also know, anybody can pretend to be anything online - unless you see them via webcam; or run a background check to see if they live where they say they do, and whether there's any criminal record. (Running a background check is a good idea of you come to the point of thinking about getting serious).
Its very easy, too, to build a fantasy in your mind about what he/she is like. I've known and known of, people who did just that and were very disappointed when they saw the other one "in the flesh."
This response addresses a fair bit more than your original questions, but nevertheless, I hope you find it useful.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2007): ive got the same problem. iv been txting and chatting to a girl for 1 and a half years who i met through a chat site she is like my best friend and we talk every night yet ive never met her either. she has a lot of trust issues so i never made any moves. i thought that i would wait for her to say when it was gonna happen.then about 3 weeks ago we were just chattin away when she said that she was going to give it a try with some other guy who she also met through a chatroom. i was absolutely devastated.she knew how i felt about her and i thought that she felt the same way. i decided to not say anything and just be a supportive friend but now we dont talk on the phone as much and when i txt her she sometimes replies and when she does it feels like the conversation is really strained. and somtimes she wont and im feeling like ive been dropped and am no longer even a friend. i fell into a mini depression and stopped eating or going out and eventually just sat there waiting for a call or txt and making myself ill. it seems to me that your in the same boat as me and my advice is to let him do what he wants and dont let yourself get depressed. dont let him get you down and just concentrate on you. live your life and dont let it worry you. theres someone out there for all of us. from a uk friend
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