A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey, Aunts! I'm in a LDR with my guy for some months now. I understand it's difficult cause we don't get time together like we used to before. Nevertheless, communication was indeed great in our relationship. Since the last month, I've been observing certain changes. He doesn't call on Skype that often (it was a Saturday routine for us). He attends mysterious gatherings and then comes home with a huge hangover, and usually doesn't interact at night. Besides, he says it's too busy at work (earlier it was busy too, but he always took out time to call me), and nowadays it's me who makes the first call. Besides he keeps texting others throughout the day (as per his last seen on social media), but he is too busy to call me. Another noticeable change is that, earlier he used to compliment me every time I changed my photo or send to him. But now he barely notices (I even tried new looks, but no interaction from his side). His phone is busy whenever I call him. Is he taking me for granted? Or is he cheating on me?Is a guy too busy ever not to call his gf even for once in a day? What can I do now? Should I try harder or should I just leave? He will be visiting me the next month. I love him, and it's practically hurting me to see him drift away from me.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 April 2017):
 He is not interested in being with you any more. More than likely because he never gets to see you and he probably doesn't get anything from the online interaction. He just doesn't seem man enough to end things with you and tell you the truth.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2017): He's tiring of the LDR. You've noticed he's out socializing more and contacting you less. That's the usual slow demise of a long-distance relationship; when you don't get to see each other often enough. It's hard to subsist on technological communication alone. People need people.
You can leave the contact up to him; but I speculate that he's hopeful the LDR will just wear-off without any drama or hard-feelings. He's gradually moving away from it. As if he's slowly weaning himself off what's left of the emotional connection you once had.
It's time to see friends, spend time with your family; and decide if hanging on to this LDR is worth the energy.
He's not taking you for granted. If you never touch or see each other in-person, what's there to take for granted? If all he gets to see of you is a photograph, how long can you hold on to that?
Is he cheating? All you have is circumstantial evidence about that; but there's sufficient evidence to conclude he's not as enthused about continuing the LDR as you are.
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (2 April 2017):
 Honeypie has hit the nail right on the head. Just cool it and see if he makes any effort. Sometimes absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder - it seems more like out of sight out of mind.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your suggestion.
I'll try the 'pulling back' technique. It will be easier for me 'cause I will be taking up a new project from tomorrow and engage my mind in other activities.
Besides, he called a few hours back and said that his mother is visiting him. So he would be keeping a bit busy. But there still lurks the doubt that he might be cheating on me. ??
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 April 2017):
 Pull back, see if HE will start to initiate contact more in the next month. LEAVE it to HIM to make contact.
And IF he does, good if he doesn't then meeting up might NOT be the best thing. Especially if he expects physical intimacy with you when you see each other.
I don't think you should TRY harder. I don't think it matters if he isn't so keen on you and the relationship anymore.
Personally, that is what I would do. I'd stop initiating contact and wait and watch.
IF he brings it up (the lack of contact) HAVE the conversation that you FEEL neglected. And what you would like to see change. Like getting your "skype date" back on track, maybe HE can pick the day of the week that suits him best.
It IS normal that when people are in LDR's they try and stay busy so the "missing" isn't so intense and MAYBE you need to consider being busier and not just sitting around waiting for him to want to talk to you. Go out with friends, visit family, work, etc. AS IN live life. (it also gives you something to talk about WITH your LDR).
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