A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm really needing some honest opinions as I don't know who to turn to. The last month has been hell for me because of the problems in my relationship with my boyfriend of 4 years. I truly believe my boyfriend has been having an emotional affair, but he claims it's completely innocent and she's just a friend. He's been talking to another girl the past month or so. They met through one of his friends in late November. They hit it off right away and started getting to know each other very very quickly. My boyfriend claims she's a good person and that he trusts her. I was very hurt about this from the beginning. Within a week of knowing her he asked her advice on our relationship problems that we have been having. He confessed that he started becoming confused, scared, and was thinking about ending our relationship and he wanted to get this new woman friends opinion. The real hurtful part is he went to her about OUR problems before he came to me. I just really feel betrayed in a way that he went to this girl for advice about breaking up with me and looking for emotional support from her when they barely know each other. I'm very hurt that they talk about anything and everything as if they're such good friends. My boyfriend and I are currently trying to work things out but deep down inside I think he had/has been doing me wrong by letting another woman into his personal life. I truly believe he is not physically cheating but I have such a bad feeling that he's emotionally cheating as they have become very close in such a short period of time. I feel in some way that he's betrayed our relationship and our trust. He swears she's just a 'good' friend and he has made a lot of mistakes lately and he's sorry, but he's only known her for a month, why does he seem so fond of her and why is he telling her such personal information? He should only be doing that with me
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female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (2 January 2016):
This doesn't sound good hun. It is never a good thing when your partner confides in someone of the opposite sex before they do you. Even more of a red flag this early on.
I'm all for opposite sex friends, my husband and I both have them. But we are one another's best friends, and first confidants.
I think your suspicions are justified and correct.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (2 January 2016):
 Guys claim that ".... it's completely innocent and she's just a friend..." up until we get the (other) lady naked, in bed....
You are wise to question this.... because we guys believe that we have bamboozled you with that explanation (above)... and, in fact, WE ARE CONVINCED, OURSELVES.... that she's "just a friend"... UNTIL that awkward moment when we (and she) are copulating....and then his mind races to "... Oh, crap, what have I done???" By then, the damage (the infidelity) is done.... and NO GUY has ever been able to back-pedal fast enough to "uncopulate" with the lady....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2016): What a load of bullshit. He cried on her shoulder most likely because she would be the replacement girlfriend if he chose not to be with you. There is no way he should be discussing your relationship issues with a woman he only just met. I would be very different if he discussed this with a long term, best friend but he didn't. It's your relationship with each other so the first person you talk to should be each other. You're not being unreasonable with this and I would argue that even if you do tr and get over this rough patch in your relationship I don't think it'll be easy trusting him again...It just isn't the done thing to strike up a close friendship with someone completely new whilst you ignore your actual partner. He's been an idiot and if I were in your position I would be telling him you want time apart because he hasn't been a loyal partner and I personally would struggle trusting him after that.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2016): There is a strong chance that he contacted her to have a moan about his current relationship with you in the hope that by drawing her into confidential chats she would come up with the way to finish with you.if he is still cummunicating with her , he will probably continue to drop odd confidences to her about how he feels about you.I think he's bored with life in general and maybe feels stagnant in the relationship.i would start expanding my independance in your situation and try to enrich my life as much as possible,Is he the correct person to be the father of your children?Has he got the get up and go that you require?Its good of you to try to reestablish the connection and to forgive this as a one off faux pas, but his mistake may be in not realising how much he has started to take you for granted so perhaps you should also make back up plans so that you can stay on an even keel and not be feeling destroyed if he makes more mistakes further down the line.
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