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male
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anonymous
writes: I really need an honest 3rd party opinion. My girlfriend and I have been seeing each other a little over a year. For most of that time we have been on and off again, mostly because I was afraid of commitment. The past couple of months we have gotten a lot closer and everything is almost perfect. About six months ago my girlfriend "Jane" would mention the name of a co-worker "Renae" on occasion. Some time after that we broke up for several weeks and then got back together. Jane told me that while we were apart she went to dinner with Renae and that Renae kissed her after dinner. My girlfriend has been honest about her past with me and has told me that she was in a homosexual relationship several years ago with a woman. She has told me that she has had sex with several women. She has promised me that it was just curiosity and she was experimenting. She says that part of her life is over and she is no longer attracted to women. About 2 or 3 months ago I started to notice how close Renae has become to Jane. Renae has had a girlfriend that she has been with for 18 years, though they have had some problems lately. Jane tells me the Renae is her best friend, that she loves her very much and they are JUST friends. It seems they became best friends over night. Renae was recently promoted to a management position and Jane told me she cried when Renae's promotion was announced. Renae has also offered Jane a position in her department that would triple her salary. My girlfriend Jane's birthday recently passed and Renae bought her a $150 gift for her birthday. They go to dinner frequently without me and Renae only goes to Jane's house when I am not there. Also I have never met Renae. I have expressed my concerns to my girlfriend and we have been fighting about this constantly. I really feel that there is more than friendship going on. She says why would I be with you if I wanted her. I say because you have a child and you would not have an openly homosexual relationship. Also, Jane's mother who is married to her father, lives with a homosexual partner in another city during the week and comes home to Jane's unknowing father on the weekends. She does this under the guise of working out of town as her business partner is also her lesbian partner. I have always been of the opinion that "where there is smoke there is fire". My girlfriend and I have recently been having conversations about a long term future together, but I feel I can't go any further with Renae in the picture. Should I be concerned or am I being insecure? Thanks,Bill in the Crescent City
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best friend, broke up, co-worker, got back together, her past, insecure, lesbian, no longer attracted Reply to this Question
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reader, pops +, writes (28 August 2005):
Why the fighting? Its obvious you can't trust Jane, so end it. Why are you making yourself miserable? YOu don't trust her when she tells you she is just friends with Renae, and wants to be with you. So, if you don't trust her, don't date her. End it. For both of you. Jane will survive, and maybe you can find someone who does not have Jane's past. If, instead, you insist on staying with her, have you asked her what women do for her that you don't, or can't? A loving relationship is about pleasuring your lover, and not spending your life thinking only of your own pleasure. If you are satisfying her sexual needs, she won't need to turn to women to find her pleasure. Get to work, or hit the road.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2005): Well you're lucky that she's been honest with you bud, if her mother's habitually lying to her dad then you'd expect her to act the same towards you so give the lass some credit for that at least. It's a pity you can't be a part of her & renee's thing but that's a lot easier said than done i know, all i wanted to say was to take into account her honesty cos in that situation i think it's exceptional, that's all. Good luck anyway.
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