A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I realize many people have this similar problem with a girlfriend having several guy friends, and I believe each answer is based on circumstance so that is why I'm asking about my personal situation.For the record, I've dated people in the past who have had guy friends and I've never thought twice about it and had no issues, but now I wonder if some things are crossing the line. In general I believe nothing is wrong, but at the same time I wonder if I am simply being naive just because I have such strong feelings for her. So anyway, I have been with a great girlfriend for a few months now. She is very affectionate and open with me which is great. In summary, she is a one on one person who ends up making conversation with just about everyone including guys of course. She doesn't have many friends in the area and is looking for new friends which is completely understandable. The first area where I begin to feel uncomfortable is she'll always meet new people and initially think positive optimistic things about them but later change her mind after she knows them better. For example she was taking the subway one day and a guy began a conversation with her and eventually offered to exchange numbers which she did. She explained she was dating and they talked about seeing a movie or going to a museum as friends. The guy began to send her pictures of his car and attempted to try to call several times and asked if there were problems in our relationship. She responded there were no issues and the guy disappeared. She told me all of this on her own, not with me asking questions or being uneasy about this which makes me feel better. But while I understand her need to find new friends, it makes me uncomfortable the idea of her meeting strangers in the subway and other places and exchanging numbers when they are obviously after something else.The main issue that I question though are her close guy friend from back home. One of them wrote about saving up money to come see her which to me is a bit extreme since I can't imagine saving up money to visit someone I wasn't romantically interested in. At the same time I look at these situations reversed. I have a few female friends that I have and will always be platonic with, however I wouldn't travel for the sole purpose to meet them simply because I feel it would be inappropriate and I wouldn't my to put my girlfriend in that situation out of respect for her.Another close guy friend of hers recently admitted that he was interested in her. She explained to him that she was not interested, but continues to talk to him which I understand. However he sent her a gift in the mail recently which to me suggests he might not have accepted no as an answer. Also I feel uncomfortable about her traveling back home and hanging out with him knowing that he is attracted to her. When I once questioned her she got upset and emotional and told me I could break up with her but her friends would still be there. I guess overall I simply feel uncomfortable sometimes and wish I wasn't in this situation and worry that everything is too good to be true.I could continue to write other examples but I realize how annoying long posts can be. Long story short she is open about everything, and is constantly telling me who is interested in her and what happened with some random person she talked to and speaks about these casually. I was invited back home with her for a special event, so there is no doubt I'm the most important guy in her life since she didn't make up an excuse why I couldn't go and attempt to bring someone else.Am I being thinking too much or is a long term friend saving up to visit and another one romantically interested sending gifts crossing the line? Any advice would be greatly appreciated - Super stressed!
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo everyone who responded thanks a lot! Everyone basically thinks everything is okay as I did before, I just needed to hear it from others to make sure I wasn't being naive. I guess there is nothing else to be done but to continue to trust her and take care of her. Seriously thanks to all of you who took the time to respond, I feel much better :)
A
male
reader, danzor  +, writes (3 July 2011):
This girl is not loving you the way you love her. Exchanging numbers with a stranger is a no-no, and it appears to me that she wants a reaction from you. Fact is mate, girls love 100% or not, everything else is just fun. I don't think you have much of a future together, move on and be happy.
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A
male
reader, danzor +, writes (3 July 2011):
Listen mate, she should not be exchanging numbers with strangers...period. Work friends and new contacts are one thing, but some guy on the train?? This is not your problem unless you you want it to be. If you care, remembering of course that because you care it does not mean that she does, then tell her that you seriously love her and further, that she should hold herself in higher regard and show a bit more exclusivity. If I'm honest I don't think you are her 'one', girls love whole heartedly or not at all. Simple as pie, trust me you will feel the difference.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (2 July 2011):
 your girlfriend just needs to learn that the true meaning of 'friend' is not a person who is sexually/romantically interested in her. a true friend is one that wants to hang around with you even if they're not attracted, like a same sex friend would
x
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A
female
reader, sammy1986 +, writes (2 July 2011):
i wouldn't worry to much she is being honest with you about everything she must really like you i agree exchanging numbers is wrong when you are with someone she sounds like a very trusting person which in some situations can be wrong
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2011): She's got issues.What? I don't know, but exchanging numbers with a guy in a subway, a stranger, when in a committed relationship signals a lot of issues.She's indicating "possibilities".She has issues with men, relationships, and her behavior sounds a bit immature and incautious of her relationship, as well as someone who likes attention, craves it actually, and has a need to be told she is attractive and have it reinforced by others.How old is she, 18?
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A
female
reader, naughtysister76 +, writes (2 July 2011):
Hi she sounds like a honest girl, dont worry over nothing, I have guy friends that are like brothers to me I dont like them in boy friend way just like a brother type. When you grow up and become close they become family. Worry if she not telling you or including you in family stuff back home. Dont be jealous as you would chase me away if I was ur girl
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A
female
reader, MissTellAll +, writes (2 July 2011):
 Her friends may be crossing a line. Your girlfriend, however, seems to be handling this situation very well. From what you've described she is being very open and honest with you. If she has made it perfectly clear to you that you're the only guy she wants, that's a good thing. Her friends behaving that way is something she should handle. Tell her that it makes you uncomfortable. Say how peculiar you think it is that her friend is saving up money just to see her. Express your worry, but don't be accusatory. Let her know it's only because you care and are worried these guys may try something.
Hope this helps. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Partyboy123  +, writes (2 July 2011):
 Hey,
I think girls should stick with "girlfriends" and guys should stick with "guyfriends",
girls friends with girls
guys friends with guys
this way, things don't get out of hand, it is really easy to fall in love with someone, even while in a relationship, its in our nature to love, and some people think "what if the grass is greener on the other side?" and end up cheating, breaking up with and going to another person that has been telling them all of these great things etc..
so yes, i would worry to bits as well, i HAVE been there, i worried about my ex girlfriend going away to where she used to live and partying because she told me her "guy friends" back home always tried to get her to drink more and get drunk "because she has never been drunk" (i think they just wanted to make out and what not with her and/or get into her pants to be frank with you).... so yea, i would not be cool with her going down there to see this guy..
if i was in your shoes, i would be having a very serious conversation with her about all of this. but in the end, your decision and feelings might be totally different than mine, and you opinion MAY not match mine, so only you can decide what to do, don't let anyone but you influence you into doing anything.
hope i helped :)
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