A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Here's a problem that's developed over the past month while my girlfriend and I have been apart...We have been together four months, and friends for two years before that. We both live in London, although not together.She went back to Spain a month ago, theoretically for a fortnight. A couple of days after returning, however, she decided she wanted to stay longer. I was disappointed, but I totally understand as she wants to catch up with her friends and family and I trust her completely.She said she would stay a maximum of three weeks, not four.We got to two weeks and two days, and then a little longer... and still she didn't know when she would come back. It felt as though every day, it would be another day or two.After two weeks, I told her I come could to visit her the following week as I had time off work. But she talked me out of it on the grounds she would be back in London by then anyway.When the third week came around, she was still there.... and she'll be back in London only after four weeks.I have absolutely no problem with her spending a lot of time with her friends and family. That's not the problem at all.My problem is: is it right for me to feel annoyed that her plans changed so many times? I feel like I was messed around. She said it wouldn't be four weeks... but then it was. And, I could have gone to visit her in Madrid but she said she would be back by then, and she wasn't.I put all the above to her - probably too forecefully, as I struggle to keep my temper - and she said she meant everything she said at the time, i.e. she meant it when she said four weeks would be too long. Which is fine... but doesn't that make it difficult for me to believe what she says?Part of me thinks I'm being petty and silly to make an issue out of this - particularly since I don't have a problem with her being away and I trust her 100% - but part of me is annoyed that she can chop and change her mind so much about when she's coming back. I guess it's a loss of control, and a feeling that my feelings are not being taken into account.I'm 30, and she's 22. Any advice gratefully received. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (3 September 2008):
 Hi
I completely understand where you are coming from, you gf need to realise she made a promise to you before she left and that was a fortnight visit. its natural to feel negleted and not being taken seriously. maybe what can help you cope better with the situation is to go back to the years when you were just friends, think of the way she thought of her family and friends back home, the challenges she were facing being alone in a foreign country, etc, this might be the reasons she excited to be home although its not an excuse for her to treat you this unreasonably but it can explain why she feel she still need more time with her family.
Give her the benefit of the doubt, you might wanna drop her a mail or call her and explain to her how missing her its making you doubt her love for you, tell her how you feel without feeling petty its important to communicate these things when your lover is away, because a visit like this might break you up or build confidence in each other. given that there will be more visits to spain and both of you u dont want to repeat this. let this be a lesson to both of you.
You will not know whats holding her up unless you both be honest with each other. Joining her might not really solve the problems maybe she refused because she is not ready to introduce you to her family. Maybe there are some problems with the family she feels its important to help resolve, we can not tell for sure which is what.
Hope she comes home soon, dont despair
Jovial
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