A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: long distance for the most part but have the goal ultimately of living together. We visit multiple times a year for months at a time as well. I love this girl more than words could ever describe. I just need some opinions. My girlfriend is a very cool and down to earth person and because of this she has more male friends than.female friends. One of her very best friends is a straight male. I have no problem with this. I trust her.. and it doesn't bother me. They hang out with other friends of hers.. till late in.the am sometimes. .. go to bars.. party together...etc. she also recently had 2 of her other male buddies drop by her apartment at about 1am. One of which brought their gf along. I was cool with.this. all of it. Now while I've been cool with this.. this is where my question comes into play.. I have never gotten the same treatment when.it comes to females I know. We have fought many times because of things like going to a hockey game with my buddy and 2 girls we are both friends with. Or going to a party a friend that I have hosted..she's a girl. Also i own a recording studio and I am working on our album.. my groups album. And during this process we needed a female singer. And we were successful and found one..and she's also became a friend of the group. But.sometimes... sessions need to go later than usual. Do to.a group member having to.work late during the week. I've explained this to my gf and she became very angry and said the singer cannot stay late. The singer is not a friend.. I shouldn't have a girl in the studio that late.. and she's willing to leave.me unless I agree with her. I have pointed out that I've been trusting and fair of the male friendships she has and I.expect the same and she dismisses it saying she's not ok with it. Etc etc. Eventually after I said sessions need to go late sometimes.. ( btw I'm with 2 males while with.the singer..my entire group is here with me) she said its unprofessional of me.. to keep a singer in that late.. ( sometimes we get started around 10pm and cant finish up till.12-1am. ) She said I should record her vocals and tell.her to leave. And as I argued it she even said " you prob like her thats why you want her there late ". Which is... absolutely the furthest thing from the truth. I love my.gf.. and only.my gf. I dont know how to explain that this isn't fair to me because she won't listen to anything I say and is willing to end 5 years over it. I feel like I offer so much trust.. enough to let her do whatever with male friends she has.. but its a problem every time a woman is near me. Whether friend or business. Am.I being unfair here? Or is my girlfriend being unfair?? tever with male friends she has.. but its a problem every time a woman is near me. Whether friend or business. Am.I being unfair here? Or is my girlfriend being unfair??
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (20 February 2013):
 Methinks the lady doth protest too much.
the reason she's so UNFAIR (and yes she's wrong and unfair here) is that she KNOWS what's going on at her end of the LDR and she figures the same thing is going on at your end... at least that's my take on it.
IT goes both ways... tell her you will stop being around women if she stops being around men....
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (20 February 2013):
 ever hear the quote "the guilty dog barks first?" that's what this seems like to me.
based on what you say, she is clearly over-reacting and in the wrong. why she's so paranoid leaves one open to speculation.
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A
female
reader, curious1987  +, writes (20 February 2013):
 Trust works both ways. if she isn't allowing you to hand out with yr female friends, tell hr she has to stop hanging out with make friends. a relationship is only a relationship if bith ppl are happy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2013): OP you know how thieves are the people who are most protective of their belongings? You know why that is right? Right, because they know how easy it is to have something stolen because they steal shit all the time.
That's what I think is happening here, your girlfriend is up to no good, knows how easy it is to do and is paranoid as fuck of you doing it too.
One of the biggest signs of a cheater is that they become very suspicious and controlling of your interactions with other women.
Even if that's not the case, then she doesn't trust you. She completely doesn't trust you and no matter what she says you know this. So without trust OP what have you?
This isn't about fairness, balance or any of that shit, she doesn't trust you. To the point where she wants you to go out of your way to allow her to control you while not giving you the same respect.
She's not being unfair OP, you're being a pushover to a girl who doesn't trust you in the least and worst case scenario the reason she doesn't is because she herself is untrustworthy.
So there you go, what are you going to do about it? You going to stand up for yourself and not be controlled, or are you going to let this continue until you're smothered? Unable to have a female vocalist stay late to polish of some tracks because your crazy controlling girlfriend won't allow it?
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