A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a strong gut feeling my gf is upset, sad, or otherwise disappointed with me for *something*. Here's the story:1. Monday. The city we live in just got hit by snow and freezing temperature (20-28F).2. I had terrible stomach flu on Sunday night, and it carried over to Monday morning. Called in sick for work. I didn't visit my gf, but talked to her over the phone briefly about staying inside, staying warm, and staying safe. Everything seems okay on Monday.3. Tuesday. The road was too icy to drive safely or use public transportations, since the temperature has falling to 25F. Emailed my boss and told him I won't be coming in due to ice on the road. My gf texted me at about 830am and asked if I went to work. I replied no saying it was too icy to drive and I couldn't get my car out from the parking. It's safer to stay home.4. My gf lives with her younger sister, who has a bf. This bf took the bus to visit my gf's sister. The sister's bf lives about the same distance from my place, but I need to take 2 buses to get to my gf's place instead of 1. Or, I can take a 1 hr ride through long-winding roads with a stretch that's pretty dangerous (cliff on one side), especially when there's ice on the road.5. About 2 hours later, she texted me again and said that I had not responded to her. I replied that I responded and asked her a few questions, and I didn't get any response back. After that, she went cold. I tried calling her 3 times and left a voicemail and asked her to call me when she hears it. Instead, she text me about 6 hours later asking along the line, "You called me? Is there anything?"6. I called her and asked straight if she’s upset or sad about something. She replied no. Apparently, she went out to eat breakfast with her sister and sister’s bf (who took the bus down). I didn’t know about it until 6 hours later.7. I’ve a gut feeling this is why my gf is cold with me today. I can feel it from the way she talks. She’s probably thinking that I don't care enough to visit her even though her sister’s bf visited his gf. I know it’s a very thoughtful gesture on the guy, but I believe it was a smarter and safer choice to stay home whether driving by myself or using the bus. 8. My gut says my gf is comparing me with her sister’s bf. It doesn’t help that I also heard the sister thanking her bf loudly over the phone that he checked on her today. I’m sure it was directed at my gf intentionally (we both heard it over the phone), because her sister and I don’t see eye-to-eye on things. Basically, the sister is saying, “My bf is better than yours. He visited me today even in the icy road.” I know the sister well enough to think that was her intention: to bring her bf up and to paint me a bad light. The sister doesn’t like me much. She says good things in front of me and bad things behind my back.9. Frankly, I think the most sensible thing for the sister to do was to tell her bf to stay home until the ice freeze is over (just a day or two). There’s no point in risking his safety to come over, even if he took the bus.Q1. Am I uncaring or unreasonable to stay home on Tuesday?Q2. Do you think the sister may have influenced on my gf’s behaviors and reactions?Q3. Again, my gut feeling says my gf is sad, upset, or disappointed at me because I didn’t come over to visit her. She’s making the comparison that her sister’s bf did. Is it reasonable of her to have that expectation?Q4. I have asked my gf if something is bothering her, but she replied no. How do I get her to tell me what she truly thinks? (although, my gut feeling can be wrong).Thanks everyone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionQuestion Author: I called my gf to say good night. She picked up the phone on the first ring, but I can still feel she's still upset about the situation. She sounds a bit distant answering my questions with very short answers. When I ended the conversation with, "I'm going to sleep. Good night hunnie." The reply was, "Okay good night. Bye." Short, distant. Yes, she's still upset. I'll see what happens tomorrow.
@Ampersand: I think it's very much a sibling-rivalry between my gf and her sister. I feel that it's mostly about who has the "better" bf. I sometimes make decisions that the sister can poke at. Like today, where I chose to stay home rather than risking the icy roads. I think the decision I made was careful, because I didn't want to be caught in an accident by driving or by using the bus - getting myself hurt or getting someone else hurt. I'm actually thinking of her and my family when I chose not to go. What the sister's bf does was his choice, but I am sad that what happened today has such a huge impact on my gf's reactions.
I am not sure if I should let this boil over or explain to her why I didn't go.
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