A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I have one friend who I spend more time with than anyone else. We were at school together, we’re at uni together and we’re even sharing a house this year. She’s been one of my closest friends since I met her but she can be pretty annoying. I’m not sure but I think it might be getting worse. What she does is that she seems to ‘nick’ friends off you. She likes to be treated as the best friend. She’s always been friends with me and our other friend (M) but it’s almost like we’re her back-up, especially me. She has a number of very close who she meets with often, confides in and speaks to nearly every day and they’re basically the people who think she’s the most wonderful person in the world. They’re the people that tell her she’s amazing when she rants on about being ‘unwanted’ and ‘unloved’ when M and I do anything to offend her. The ironic thing is that M and I were actually the ones that introduced these friends to her. We were closer to them at one point, and then all the sudden, we hear that she’s meeting up with them without us as if she’s prying them away from us towards her. By now, neither of us are very good friends with her crew. I’ve noticed her doing it a lot since we started uni as well, she seems to take a liking to certain people I introduce her to: she’s always ranting on about them and wants to spend all her time with them, leaving me out. The stupid thing is that during freshers week she actually didn’t socialize at all. I tried to stay loyal to her so she met all her uni friends through me. It’s the same with M, she’s zoomed in on some of her uni friends that she’s met and acts lovelier towards them than she’s ever done towards us.The only time she’s ok with me is when we’re one-to-one. In company, she picks on me and puts me down so that other friends also gang up on me. She makes out that I’m useless when I know I’m not. I know she’s insecure but it really annoys me. I know that she relies on me a lot at uni. I regard her as one of my best friends but I know I’m only about number 6 on her list of favourite friends and she won't confide in me at all.Does anyone have any advice?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2011): I think you run into trouble when you rank your friends in order of preference like that. what's wrong with just being 'friends'. she's entitled to hang out with other people, just as you are. Friendships don't always stay the same, sometimes you can be really close, and sometimes you drift apart for awhile. It also doesn't matter who introduces you to people. If your friend is unappreciative and continues to pick on you in public, you have a couple of options, you can either pull her aside, and explain that's not okay, and work on your friendship, or just cut her out of your life.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2011): The best thing to do is say all this to her face. Maybe she does not realise what shes doing? Which friends often don't.Also, back away a little, if your number six on her list, why is she number 1 on yours? She doesnt sound like a very good friend to deserve that position. Make some friends (im sure you will, you sound very sociable), and meet them alone, dont tag her along everywhere!
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A
female
reader, Molly0102  +, writes (5 September 2011):
I feel sorry for your current predicament. I had a friend that sounded a lot like yours too. Sadly even though I've tried telling her that what she did is hurtful and mean, she did not heed my advice. The best thing is to just tell her what she's doing isn't very much of a friend and if she doesn't like it then so be it. Sure her 'crew' might also join in the hate game but hey, how long can such superficial friendships last? If she's a friend and treats you like one she would take note of your feelings. If not you're better off without her. Good luck hope it helps :)
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (5 September 2011):
 she is really jealous of you and this always makes for a toxic relationship. she does not have the confidence to go out there and make friends for herself so she watches you to this, getting jealous at the fact that YOU CAN, and then when you have done all the ground work and you have brought these people into your group she feels ok to swoop in and take them. she is then manipulating them into thinking she is lovely, feeling sorry for her coz of her sob stories.
always remember in spite all her bravado, she needs you more than you need her!
you have a choice - you can either distance yourself from her, talk it over with her and tell you you're not happy and she is pushing your friendship to breaking point OR you can carry on as things are, grit your teeth say nothing, let resentment build and watch as friends you've made desert you coz she's turned them against you any has put herself in your place
x
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