A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Before you read this, I wanted you all to know that I have no intention of doing anything with this man. I am looking to get advice from people who are kind enough to give it. I have lost guy friends due to them having feelings for me and so when one my married guy friend of 4 years started to reach out only every week instead of every other day, I asked him if it was because he was getting feelings.He said, "I dont really have feelings. I've cut feelings out of things like this because where I am in my life right now, I cant have any feelings."Why I am confused why he doesn't have feelings is because:-We have a great connection and he's even said that he's never had a connection with any other woman the way he's had it with me -We have had amazing memories together as friends/coworkers-He's said while drunk, "You don't know what you do for me. You make me happy."-He's mentioned that if he wasn't married, he'd be with me.-He's supported me when I've been down-His family/friends like me -I've supported him when he's been down and needed help-He finds me to be attractive-He says I bring positivity into his life-He used to want to talk to me every other day -He used to want to always see me (until recently, he's been only reaching out like once a week or so)-I remember years ago when he was talking about how he met his wife, I asked if he was in love with her, and he said no but that he loves her. I don't doubt that he loves me, but I honestly dont feel he's in love with me. Yet.... how has he not developed feelings? He said he's "cut out feelings from things like this" yet how can you really not even feel a LITTLE? I dont understand. Again, I dont plan on acting on it even if he said he did have feelings, but I just want to know....Please, I just want answers that address what I'm asking, not people who want me to feel bad.Thank you
View related questions:
drunk Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2016): He's married. Why do you want him to have feelings for you? You said you have a lot of guy friends. So are all the boys supposed to want you. Does your world not make sense because this guy is able to resist you?
Maybe get over yourself and let him focus his feelings on his wife.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (23 January 2016):
 Have you ever heard Jim Croce's song "Bad, Bad Leroy Brown?" In it, it refers to Leroy as "meaner than a junkyard dog"....
It's well documented that junkyard dogs are unable to fall in love. IF your prospective "B/F" is sufficiently mean, then he cannot fall in love...
Sorry...
Good luck...
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 January 2016):
 Or maybe, he KNOWS you have feelings for him and is trying to SHUT that down as he doesn't see it going anywhere good.
To me, romantic feelings don't belong in friendships.
I have and have had a LOT of male friends, growing up there were no girls my age in my neighborhood, so I had friends who were boys and that stuck. But there has NEVER been blurred lines of romantic interest from me. At least not spoken or out in the open. I did have a male friend who started acting odd around me, and others told me he was interested in me (I had a BF at time) so I dropped him as a friend. I didn't need an admirer and HE wasn't being a friend any more.
Friends are FRIENDS - crushes, lovers, BFs, fiances and husband are the people where romance can happen and CAN be discussed.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 January 2016):
 Attention seeking much? Here you complain how a FRIEND hasn't developed feelings for you yet, and you can't believe he hasn't? Why should he? He's a friend, but you seem insulted that he hasn't fallen for you. Almost as if you've been flirting with him and trying to make him fall for you. I mean why else are you so hung up on this and remembering things he said years ago about how you make him happy etc?
Yes, it's fully possible for men to not develop feelings for you, I think you need to get back on the ground and stop thinking you're Gods gift to men. It's possible for a man to not fall in love, in general, and more specific to answer your question: yes, it's fully possible for this man to NOT be in love with you. I find it odd that you should even ask.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2016): He's telling you in a roundabout way that he has feelings for you and that it can't be allowed in this situation. He really wants you to question why he can't have feelings in a situation like this and then he can tell you 'because I'm married and it wouldn't be right' etc etc. The he would hope that maybe you will tell him that you feel the same and eventually maybe start an affair.
That, in my opinion, is where he wants that conversation to go.
He has feelings for you. You know that. He's told you a million times.
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (22 January 2016):
 Sounds like he's stumbling in his speech. He can only cut it if he's developed some feelings or starting to. He doesn't want to admit his feelings for you to avoid trouble. It would make sense that the friendship can only continue if it's just platonic. Obviously it's not. When you say you have feelings for people, it changes things. It could make you feel for them too.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2016): It's entirely possible that he is saying such a thing to keep you at 'arms length' as it were. If he wanted to remain faithful but did have some feelings than this could be a good way to create a certain distance had feelings developed. In answer to the question 'Is it possible for a man to not be able to fall in love?' I am a 32 yr old man and can honestly say I've never been in love. I don't believe this means I'm incapable of it though. One day, I'm sure
...............................
|
