A
female
age
51-59,
*eenaRae
writes:DearCupidI have been with a guy for 5 1/2 years. I really love him very much but I feel he is being deceitful in our relationship. I have a friend (female) that whenever she comes around he acts completely different towards me and towards her. For example we will seem fine just hanging out together but then she will come over and all of the sudden he becomes very short with me. When I try to talk to him or ask a question he seems bothered or something, but when she does , she has his full attention and he is so nice to her.I almost want to vomit.If ever I mention this to him he acts stupid to it.I have never been an insecure person and I feel like he is hiding stuff from me at times.I have caught him many times in the past lying to me about the most stupid things. Need I mention that he is a lousy liar anyway. I have even told him to move out or take a couple of days away from me to figure out what it is he really wants from me because I dont deserve to be treated this way. Letting him know that if he is not happy with me he should just go so we dont have to waste each others time. Im 46 yrs old and he is 48. I feel that we are both to old to play games and life is to short to live what is left unhappy. I'm not that selfish that i would want him to be miserable just to keep me happy or spare my feelings.Im at a loss on what to do about how to handle my situation and talking to him doesnt help because I feel when I mention things about our relationship or ask him what he feels , he doesnt be truely honest with me. What can i do?????????
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2012): If you are not happy with him. Rather than asking him what he wants, why not ask yourself what you want?
If he is sticking around because certain aspects of the relationship suit him, be it help with household bills, your cooking, company when it suits him etc. Then he is missing the point. Because he should be with you because he is nuts about you and not just for practical reasons.
If another female in his vicinity only serves to highlight to lack of attraction or feelings he has for you, then you need to let him go and find someone who treats you...as he treats your friend!
I wouldnt bother worrying about what he wants. Instead, focus on what you want from a partner. That should help you to decide if this person is really the one for you or not.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2012): I was once on another side of this. I had a friend who had a husband that would light up when I was around. I saw it very clearly and felt very uncomfortable, so I stoped coming to the house. I m sure that woman, your friend notices that too.
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A
female
reader, DiamondEyes00 +, writes (8 December 2012):
I think that women have a gift for intuition and gut feelings. I could be wrong, but I truly think that. Even if he's not doing anything, I feel that if you are feeling off about what is going on, then that is valid to bring it up to him, especially in a relationship. The foundations of a relationship are trust and communication. If you don't trust him, you don't have a relationship. If you can't communicate or can't communicate effectively, you don't have a relationship. I do think you are justified to not trust him since he has lied to you in the past and if a guy lies to you about small things, why wouldn't he lie to you about the big things? I think you need to re-evaluate your relationship and ask yourself if you are truly happy and if you could continue for things to be this way. After doing that, I would try to have one more serious talk with him and see if you can get some real answers. If you feel he is being dishonest or you feel it is not changing anything, then you need to do whatever it is you need to do to be happy... whatever that is. Life's too short.
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