A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am in deep love with my boyfriend. We've known each other for five years but I only started dating him four months ago. And I love him.In the past it has been extremely difficult for me to be romantically attracted to someone. At one point, my friend thought I was asexual and I was starting to wonder myself. But me and my bf, then just a friend who I talked to on occasion, got closer and our relationship has blossomed.Sometimes he makes references about things we can do in the future and it warms my heart that he is thinking long term for us. But... I am deathly afraid he will dump me, or he will turn out to be "not the one". I had a bad dream about him confessing he didn't love me and actually started crying upon waking up. I started crying about a dream!? I didn't tell him this...I just can't imagine how much my heart would ache if we ended out relationship. I am a very independent person and have always been, but if I ever lose him I feel like I would lose apart of myself. Maybe it's because it's SO hard for me to form close bonds with people that this relationship is very important to me.On and off I stress about it, and when I do I feel I am being extra clingy. He's not said anything about my clingyness but I feel like I might be sometimes...I'm just wondering... do I have an anxiety or paranoia problem? Has anyone else gone through this stage in their relationship? I get so worried about it, it makes me sick to my stomach! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (13 November 2013):
 Hi, Its perfectly normal to feel a bit insecure. However don't allow him to say or do anything that adds to your insecurity as that will destroy you as a person. Further, never confess your insecurities as generally its human nature to use it as a tool to control the person.
Live, love and enjoy. You cannot run and hide every time something wonderful happens as you are afraid that you might get hurt.
You would not be the first nor the last to have their heart broken but guess what we survive. If you end things you will always wonder if things would have turned out differently. Enjoy your relationship and remember if he did not find you attractive or like your personality, he would not be with you. So there is something about you tat has him loving u and wanting u.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2013): Yes, I have felt similar, at about the four month mark. Enough time has passed for you to be forming an attachment, to be creating history together, to have 'events' that you would miss if you broke up. It is also early enough, that you have not made a life long commitment to each other, early enough that the 'novelty' might wear off, or your bf might change his mind. It is also so early in the relationship, that you are still in the honeymoon stage, which makes the idea of breaking up even more painful.My advise to you, is to just ride it out. Realize what you are feeling is normal for you, and that it WILL PASS, and you WILL become more confident and more secure in your relationship. Try to relax and enjoy the relationship unfolding. Realize, that you are still getting to know each other, and YOU are still deciding if he will be 'the one' for you or not.Try to change your mindset, back to ' you still deciding' rather, than wondering what he is deciding. Try to ignore your fear, and over time, you will feel safer, trust will grow and you will become more confident in the relationship.
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