A
female
age
36-40,
*osee13
writes:Hi there,I hope to hear some of your opinions on my problem. It's been going for nearly 2 weeks since we broke up. We were together for nearly a year.It was a mistake from both sides. We had been in this distance relationship and haven't seen each other for 6 months. My ex claimed that I broke his heart 4 months ago as I had a fling but nothing more and ended up confessing to him, telling him that I was sorry and all. He said that his feelings were gone and that's why he broke up with me. He said he wanted to wait for me to come back and told me that but I found out earlier. He said he has been hiding it away from me, pretending that he still loved and cared and all but still thought that maybe when we met face to face, we could work something out. It was really difficult to hear this. But I tried to comfort him and asked for his patience because I will soon be back with him. But he said he couldn't do that. After the break up, he has been talking to me online, checking if I'm ok and if I'm getting over him and all. Until last night, I couldn't take it and questioned his sudden responsibility of making sure "I'm ok" whereas he has been faking the responsibility and love for nearly the entire relationship, used me for merely entertainment. And he got angry and said that this is entire bullsh*t and that everything that I said was right, even if sometimes in the future he said he wanted me, just would just be because he wants to sleep with me. I tried to calm him down and asked if he just wanted to try again, just tell me. And to which he replied "No I don't want. I don't love you anymore". And then he sent me a message says "F**k you all".I don't get the sudden anger and why he is still putting me through all of this? When we were still together he was always jealous with my new friends, deleting my photo albums on facebook and asking me to cut contact with them. And now post break up, he is still raging against me for what reason, I really don't get. Do you think there is a chance I could try and work this out with him because I'm coming home very soon? Is he confused? Maybe he needs me. Or maybe not. I'm really not sure. I don't really know why I am this calm... But I guess, I'm prepared for anything that comes along.Thank you and waiting for your replies :)
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female
reader, Rosee13 +, writes (26 February 2011):
Rosee13 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your answer CaringGuy.
You're right about him not forgiving my mistake. He has been dwelling on this for so long. But since I know I was wrong, I succumbed all of his torturing me over and over again. But suddenly, it hit me like that, he just said "I don't have feelings for you anymore. they did long time ago." Whereas, few days before the day we broke up, he was still texting me and calling me, telling he missed me and all. But I guess it doesnt matter anymore, does it? Because things changed dramatically. And now he's angry and probably hating me a lot.
Should I just drop it? If I go back, you think he's just going to hurt me again? He's definitely finished with me?
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (26 February 2011):
I think he had some problems with control before this, and that fling you had sent him around the twist. This is very unhealthy behaviour, and it's important that you move on from him. I don't see this working at all. He's not going to forgive your fling, and will just become even more controlling.
This can't be worked out, and it would be much safer for you if you just cut contact and had nothing to do with him.
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