A
female
age
41-50,
*liana
writes:I have been in a fantastic relationship with a 38 old handsome man who speed up the relationship since the beginning by introducing me to his family and friends very quickly and making tons of projects with me, telling me how much he loved me, etc. His friends also told me that they had never seen him so happy with a girl. One day after 5 months, I found him distant, aggressive, irritable, he made me tones or reproaches (he had never told me anything before), told me everything was going too fast and eventually broke up with me. I am devastated as we had a great, great relationship!Now I start having some doubts that he could possibly be gay. A few elements:- he is 38 and never had a serious relationship (just little stories of a few months but most of the time single, though he has an easy contact to people)- we never had preliminaries when we had sex - we never had oral sex (he never pushed my head down to get a blow job and never went down on me)- when I had my periods, we did not do anything- once I caressed him the chest and he went hard and when I noticed it he became ill at ease said that he had to lay on the belly and think of something flaccid.. as if he were ashamed of his erection)- he is very fashionable and has a lot of beauty products- he did not like sexy lingerie on me, just basic cotton stuff- his apartment is beautiful and decorated with an incredible great taste (usually guys have more functional apartments)What do you think??
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (4 October 2011):
 He sounds just like my boyfriend right down to no real relationships at 38. My bf is NOT gay. He is in touch with his feminine side (we joke that he's the girl int he relationship) but he's not interested in being sexual with men which is what GAY is about.
I think what you have is a man who has no clue how to have a relationship...
"- he is 38 and never had a serious relationship (just little stories of a few months but most of the time single, though he has an easy contact to people)"
see above. again... just someone who does not know how to connect long term to people. this is a hard thing to get past. My bf and I are going to go to therapy to see if we can help him past this fear or commitment and connection.
"- we never had preliminaries when we had sex"
not sure what you mean but if you mean foreplay... we don't often either... usually cause we've been having "foreplay" for most of the day... cuddles, kisses, hugs, teasing talk...
"- we never had oral sex (he never pushed my head down to get a blow job and never went down on me)"
some people don't like getting or giving oral sex. doesn't make them gay.... my second husband did not like getting blow jobs... (I taught him to like them thank you very much)... my current boyfriend does NOT perform oral sex for me...
"- when I had my periods, we did not do anything"
this is so common among heterosexuals it's not funny. Both men and women.
"- once I caressed him the chest and he went hard and when I noticed it he became ill at ease said that he had to lay on the belly and think of something flaccid.. as if he were ashamed of his erection)"
IF you caressed him and he got hard that means you aroused him... if he was gay that might not be so easy to do... his discomfort at being aroused is not about being gay but again about being uncomfortable with a relationship...
"- he is very fashionable and has a lot of beauty products"
so does my boyfriend. he also picks my lingerie... he has excellent taste in clothes and hair care produts. He gets his eyebrows waxed and grooms his body hair meticulously.
"- he did not like sexy lingerie on me, just basic cotton stuff"
consider yourself lucky. Some men like that "farm fresh" appeal...
"- his apartment is beautiful and decorated with an incredible great taste (usually guys have more functional apartments)"
again consider yourself lucky.. he has great taste, he is clean and neat...
I am not seeing a gay man here... just a man who is not comfortable having a long term relationship for whatever reasons....
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2011): Errr... no. Nothing I have read implies he is gay. People like different things regardless of their sexuality. Hell, there are more hetero cross dressing men than there are homosexual. You seem to be just pinning him to stereotypes in an attempt to figure out why he left you so suddenly imho
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A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (4 October 2011):
 from what you say, these features don't mean that he is gay. although he might be. the fact that he sped up the relationship and then 5 months later had a change of heart should give you a clue as to why he has never had a serious GF before you. he enjoys the relationship while it is new and then gets quickly bored. if he is handsome he knows he can replace his girlfriends when his interest in them wanes. he sounds shallow and yes he probably has got issues but homosexuality is not necessarily one of them.
only time will tell if you are right on this - if you start to hear rumours that he is with a guy or you see him out with one. it hurts to be dumped and you will be looking to make sense of what he has done. you will get over him, it feels horrible right now but you will not always feel like this don't worry
x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2011): I think if he was he would be out of the closet already at 38. Why don't you have a heart to heart talk with him and ask him?
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