A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi, i grew up in a house where my father was very controlling, violent at times and me and my brothers and sisters were scared of him. we have all left home now, (including my mother who left him almost 6 years ago), none of them bother with him which is understandable, as he still has not changed towards us. I have three sons and i allow him to see them, which is ok as he is different with them, i know and see that he loves them. The children get excited for when he collects them to go to the park etc... and they always come back happy.Lately though, he has started to try and interfere??? my children had a kind of flu bug which has done the rounds, and he said he is going to get medicines in at his for next time so he can catch it early, last sunday he stood at my door and said "dont make any plans for sunday as we are going to town you aswell as i want to buy them clothes". now the thing id like to ask you is this. is he interfering? am i being to offended as i still have not forgot my own childhood and dislike him. i see that maybe he thinks he is doing good for us, but really i think he is forgetting who the childrens parent is. what do you think?plus how would i deal with this? as i know the children like to go with him, and please take into account this is a man who is 'always right' in his mind. the last thing i want to do is create yet another upset.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (23 January 2009):
Just stand your ground.
If he says he wants to take you shopping on sunday and you are busy then just tell him that it will have to be next week.
If he makes statements about how he is going to buy medical supplies or whatever for the kids for his house then tell him "that's nice."
Just do your own thing and continue on until he tries to do something you don't like and then tell him that he WILL stop as you control whether he gets to see them or not.
It is possible that you are being very sensitive to every little subtle move he makes because of your childhood, but that does not mean you should roll over and do what he says.
You are the boss and as long as you feel in control of everything and keep reminding yourself that then you should be fine.
Good Luck!! xx
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