A
female
age
30-35,
*asanovaxeja
writes:well, a few months ago i came out to my parents. they gave me the works. crying, arguing, anger, bullshit. basically my parents weren't, and still aren't okay with my sexuality, my sisters on the other hand, they're fine, they don't care. well, i've had a few relationships, so i'm pretty sure i like girls. the other night i was on the phone with this girl i like n my mom was basically listening to my conversation through my door. i saw her, when she thought i didn't. well the next day, she asked me who i was talking to and kept asking me what guy it was and why we were talking at 3 am. i made sure my mom heard me flirting and saying this girls name. well my question is can something, like my coming out to my parents, be so traumatic to them, that they block it out? i mean i did everything for her to know i walk talking to a girl, and she still insists i was talking to a guy?
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (5 August 2010):
 Indeed Q, but parents want gradchildren and that's why the problems come up..
Luckily in time, the become accepting of the way that you are, at the end, gradchildren are nice, but happy children that they brought into life is the most important thing off all..
No I have no problems with gay people.. but I understand why the old folks get frightened.. again I promise you, they will uderstand, but it's all new, strange and they feel like they are loosing something..
Your happiness matters more than anything in the world, eventually they will understand that this is who you are and what you do and they will do more than accept, they will celebrate with you...
Please just give them time.. they are stuck in old ways and don't think or understand as quick as you.. when they grew up and was your age, homosexuality was a crime (or a disease) and you could be sent to prison or a mad house.
A
female
reader, rytntyt +, writes (5 August 2010):
I'm sure how old you are, but you have to understand many people in this world grow and live their lives with a certain ideal in their minds. Things are gonna be this way and that way. I'm gonna have 2.5 kids and live in the suburbs with my dog named spot, etc. This isn't something that you can throw into the mix of a parent life and expect them to act the way you want them too. They are denial, and hoping that you are confused. Maybe the lack of information, support as to how to deal with this a bit better would also be a good thing. But for now, I would just go on with your life the that works for you. And when she wants to see you or talk to you, enjoy yourself, don't try to push the issue, because one thing is for sure and that is, that when someone is ready hear, understand, take something seriously than they will and they can. So, until she mentions it one way or another, just carry on. And when the time comes, and if she says, " how come we never talked about it," then thats your que to let her know, " I tried to talk to you but I guess it just wasn't the right time. Be patient, non-judgemental even if seems that she is being judgemental, she's only working with the knowledge that she has at this time, thats all. Good Luck
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (5 August 2010):
Respect vintage.. your analysis is sound.. just speaking like a frightened parent who is sad about the choices that their children make...
They choose their life, but now you must choose yours of course, but please have sympathy for them and the feeling of loss that they have now.. it will disappear when you settle down and get a long time partner.. and they will be proud of you and her and boast about you both to the whole world..
It's new for them, shocking and has challenged their view about the world.. feel sorry for them, but they will love and support you in whatever you do, eventually... this I can promise you.. :) Give it time, and be patient with them, but don't change the way you are.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2010): It can be hard for parents when you come out, they have reacted badly, and hopefully they will adjust. You have told them now, so you don't have to hide anything, just be who you are. I have to say when my son came out, I knew but I let him come to us when he was ready.
Don't ever feel it is your job to provide grandchildren, or that you are depriving anyone by not having children, if this is what you choose to do. Just because parents have children that doesn't give them the right to expect you to carry on the line, that's just not how it works.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (4 August 2010):
"my question is can something, like my coming out to my parents, be so traumatic to them, that they block it out?"
YOU DEPRIVE THEM OF GRANDCHILDREN.. YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN ARE THE FUTURE, THEIR WAY OF BEING REMEMBERED AND PROVIDING SOMETHING BACK TO THE WORLD...
Give them time, it's hard to say goodbye to grandchildren you've always wanted but will never exist...
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (4 August 2010):
 Your mom is in denial, and that's her problem to handle. I don't think you need to have The Talk with them again, they heard you, but may not have WANTED to hear you, and if the 'signs' are not in their faces, then they can pretend it didn't happen. but you have a couple of options. You might want to bring a girl over for dinner or show a girl picking you up for a date. you don't have to throw it in their faces and you know, makeout or something in front of them, keep it civil, but just simple reminders that this is happening regardless of their position. Or, you can just do your thing and ignore your parents' feelings about it, I'd think that'd be more emotionally difficult. Lastly, if your dad is more accepting at this point than your mom, maybe you could have him talk to her. With time and exposure to this side of who you are, they will likely get over it and stop trying to convince you you like boys. stay confident and act like you know what you want and eventually they will treat you the same.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (4 August 2010):
 First off snaps to u for coming out to your rents, many of my gay friends try to hide it for so long. U have to take in consideration how ur rents are feeling they think ur going through a phase in ur life that will pass, and theyre in denial about it as well. Give them time and they'll either accept it bc u are their daughter and they love u no matter what. Thank god for those rents! They will eventually accept it maybe not fully, bc if they didnt they wouldve already kicked u out and cut ties completely
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