A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I are trying to have sex. It his her first time so it takes tries to finally do it. But there is a problem.I lose my erection when its not stimulated with friction. She gives oral to make me have a full erection. After that when I try to put it in I start to lose my erection. Ofcourse I cant put it in because it really hurts for her. This problem happened to me everytime we tried to do it. Without an erection it is really not possible to continue to try. I am really discouraged and dont know what to do... My girlfriend is also discouraged because she thinks that she isnt sexy or good enough to even help me keep an erection. It is totaly not true I find her sexy and beautiful as hell and I want to be with her. But I was always the guy that cant keep an erection by just looking at it.Another problem is that when I watch porn I have a great erection but not with my girlfriend. Is my brain fixated in porn?Also I am a straight guy, I am not gay or bi so thats out of the question
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erection, lose my erection, porn Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2014): This has got nothing to do with porn. You are simply too anxious and worried that you might hurt her or lose your erection or get her pregnant. men who use porn are the following groups:
- those who are unattractive to women for various reasons and can't connect with women.
- those who are too old and lonely and physically unfit to have the energy anymore to satisfy a partner so they relieve themselves with a few strokes of their hand while watching porn.
- those who are poor financially and can't afford to support a gf.
My advice is just relax and take it easy and go out and have fun and let nature take its course. You will find sex will come spontaneously.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2014): I think it's more that you are getting NO friction because you guys stop early because it hurts her.Try much more foreplay. Porn is not your problem here. Plenty of men watch it, in fact I would go so far as to say any man who says he doesn't is a liar, or has simply not had the opportunity. Is is really a woman posting. But whatever the case, most watch and consume regularly and have no issues in the bedroom. I certainly never have, in fact porn has inspired some of the best nights of love-making I have ever had... and she agrees.Look. Porn is great. It is an amazing masturbatory aid. But treat it as that and you won't have a problem. Treat porn as something more, and therein lies the danger.Your goal is to make sure your intimate partner is well and truly filled with lust before penetrative sex even begins. Make out, give each other oral, hand jobs, but never ever let each other orgasm. If you get close, switch.Then, when you are both just bursting at the seams with that, then you have sex.Either way, porn is the least of your worries. Just a male perspective.Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2014): You've got to stop watching porn. It is affecting your sex life as you see. I have a co worker who is in his mid 20's, incredibly good looking guy, works out everyday, plus he is from a very wealthy family. He never has to worry about money ever in his life. Not only that but his family are legacies in the film industry. My point is that this guy is a lot of women's wet dream to date.
We went out one night with a few other co workers and the topic of masturbation came up. He was very opinionated on the topic and told us that excessive masturbation and excessive viewing of porn is a CHOICE. And one that negatively affects your sex life and performance because it causes issues like the one you have. He felt that men who watch porn and masturbate excessively are very bored and encounter a slew of issues in the sack. Whereas men who rarely look at porn are better in bed and can last longer. He went on to say that keeping very busy and being very active throughout the day (work, friends, hobbies, excercising) contributes to a healthy sex life. It keeps your mind on healthy and productive endeavors and away from the boredom that leads to porn dependency. And staying away from that, in turn, makes you a good lover.
I agree with him 1000% and appreciate that there exist young men in the world who see the detrimental effects of pornography. And choose to avoid them.
This is a choice you have to make. Do you want to be a good lover? Or do you want to be a good masturbator? There is one solution. You've got to stop watching porn.
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A
female
reader, Princess_008  +, writes (5 November 2014):
Yes this is surely because you watch too much porn. Maybe you should stop watching porn for a few weeks and then try again with your gf
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (5 November 2014):
 You're right. You have become addicted/desensitized to porn stimulation. There is a site both you and your girlfriend should read that isn't judgmental at all, but rather medically and physically describes what you're going through. You're not alone - a LOT of guys are experiencing this, and you'll read their stories as well as the "reboot" journals they're going through.
Go here:
yourbrainonporn.com
It's non-profit, and it will educate your girlfriend on why it's definitely not her fault. Of course - the thought just hit me that she may not know of your porn extent, so if she doesn't know, you'll want to do this on your own.
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