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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Me and my boyfriend have been together since last October and we are very much in love.We banter back and forth with one another lovingly. He will say something like...."My baby" or "My (my name)" and I will do the same...While at a family event I said "My (bf name)" sitting next to his mother and she turned to me and said to me "No its OUR (bf name)" then she said "you can't own a person". Now it wasn't said in a harsh way or bad way, but it was rather unnecessary I felt since our banter is mostly cheesy goofing off and I am by no means trying to own her son. He isn't an only child and he's nearly 40. In any case his mother likes me and is always nice to me but it was bizarre a woman of her age would say such a statement. Is this jealousy from the mother? Should I avoid being cheesy to my bf around her? He says all those things I say to me around her.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 April 2018):
 If you both normally get on okay and this was a one time thing then I wouldn't really worry about it. She might just not be a fan off you calling her son yours. It could be a case that she sees this as controlling. She obviously sees it different to how you and he does so maybe just tone down on the pet names while around family. Sometimes it can make people feel uncomfortable.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2018): By the way, people who constantly exchange sappy pet-names and lovey-dovey banter in-front of others sometimes add a cringe-worthy feel to the atmosphere. It comes-off as silly and somewhat adolescent; so she may have felt it wasn't necessarily appropriate or respectful in her presence.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2018): I think the comment should be overlooked. It was just a remark posing no particular threat. Be more concerned if he shows signs of being a mama's boy. It's his behavior that matters, not hers.
It won't change how your boyfriend feels about you; and she's just being a mother. Most mothers challenge the women who claims her son's heart. She has to send out a message she's the queen bee.
I don't see where this rises to any concern; considering the ages of everyone involved.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (11 April 2018):
 Good grief, she is being combative over a nickname?
Yes, it's weird for her to do that. But then again... if he is in his 40's and didn't say anything about the two of you just being goofy to her, he left that mess for you...
I'd consider toning down the lovey-dovey goofy nicknames around her. But I wouldn't completely stop on her behalf. After all there are 2 people in your relationship YOU and your BF - she is his mother... but he is also a GROWN man who has made a choice in his "mate" (you). And his mother needs to let go. He is 40!
Using nicknames is NOT disrespectful to his mother.
And it's NOT like the goofy talk is done to affront her or upset her. You know full well that she is his mother and that will never change. For her to feel a need to state that... well, it's ridiculous.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2018): Being a parent myself, I know the despair of your child being the best thing that ever happened to you only to raise that child and miss them more than air once they're grown. I don't think his mother is unhappy with you, I think it just breaks her motherly heart that he isn't her little boy anymore.
I would suggest you embrace him being "Ours" and use that to become closer with his mother. Respect that he was once hers only, and now she is sharing him with you. If you slip and refer to him as yours and this comes up again, just say, "Oh, he was yours first and always will be, but I'm lucky to share him now and don't mean to take anything away from you!"
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