A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 3 years, we live together and on the whole we're very happy.I've recently met another girl and just click with her so well- we've hung out as a three a few times and to start with my gf really got on with her, but then started getting jealous as we got on so well. Now she doesn't want me to see the other girl, which makes me sad as I don't want to lose my new friend or upset my gf.To complicate things, I'm worried that I'm actually falling for this new girl. I can't stop thinking about her and we message (completely platonic things) alot. I don't want to ruin things with my gf as we are getting settled together, however I don't know what to do about this new girl as the thought of not seeing her again breaks my heart a bit.Any advice would be greatly appreciated xc
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (11 April 2018):
 WiseOwlE..
The poster is a woman, but the advice is the same :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2018): [EDIT]:
"Here's my advice."
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2018): The wrong person in your relationship is writing a post. It should be your girlfriend. You know what's wrong with this picture; but you're thinking from behind your zipper, so your reasoning is obscured.
You don't get to have a girlfriend and a lady on the side. You wrote the post as if it wouldn't bother you if your girlfriend had another guy on the side she wanted to boink; while keeping you as boyfriend. Would that be okay with you?
The commitment to your girlfriend requires that you both be faithful and exclusive as a couple. If you are attracted to someone else, then you have broken your commitment to your girlfriend. We're not telling you what you don't already know.
You're at the magic 3-5 year mark that most people in relationships write to DC. It's that time-frame when people in relationships seem to hit a critical-point in their relationships. It's usually that point things are up in the air.
You want to feel a different vagina; so now you're sniffing around and can't see reason to break your contact with the girl you're ruining your relationship about. Come-on, dude! You know better than that!
You don't get to keep your girlfriend and claim you don't know what to do about the other woman.
Hears my advice. Breakup with your girlfriend; so she can go find someone faithful, decisive, and much better than you. Oh, and she will!
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (11 April 2018):
 You haven't kept your friendship platonic. That's the problem. You decided to build a friendship with someone you're crushing on. It's incredibly disrespectful to your girlfriend and relationship.
Put simply, OP, either ditch the friend or break up with your girlfriend. This is one of those times where you can't have both because they clash.
Your girlfriend is being perfectly reasonable - you are not.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2018): You're a kid. You have no idea what commitment means. And you are too young for it. Obviously.
You jumped the gun with your girlfriend by moving in together. After 3 years, you have realized that you are not in love with her and are afraid of commitment. You just weren't ready for what you got yourself into.
You have seen your girlfriend in good and bad moments, at her best and her worst. You have a history together and as such, your relationship should have deepened and strengthened. As now you are past the love lust or infatuation phase and should be building something permanent together.
Instead of being a committed, loyal and mature partner, you are making goo goo eyes at some other chick who appears on the scene. One you barely know at that. Well, DUH, any new chick is going to look and feel exciting because they're NEW! You don't KNOW her. Not like your girlfriend. So, this new gal is on her very best behaviour. You only see the good side. The side she wants you to see. You haven't been through any challenges or up's and down's with her. How do you know that once the gloss wears off, she is not going to have baggage too? Got news for you! YES she WILL! And after you dump your girlfriend, and move in with her, you are going to get bored with her too and dump her for the next best thing. Is that what you are going to become? A serial dater? Moving on from one woman to the next?
I suggest you avert a train wreck in the making. Choose one and stay with her.
Just remember, you could be giving up a woman who would have been the better choice for somebody who ends up being a big mistake.
And this is the problem. Men don't like to give up a sure thing for a thing on the side. But they don't want to give up a thing on the side either. So, they try to juggle both.
You cannot do that. You are hurting your girlfriend with this newfound relationship. You are encouraging this other girl and nurturing this relationship. It is moving forward because you are both allowing it to.
How would you like it if you girlfriend had another guy? Was doing the very same thing with him? Would you feel jealous and hurt? I suspect you would.
So, stop it right now.
Let the other girl go. It is easy really, once you put your mind to it. We all have CHOICES in life. Make the right one. And stick to it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 April 2018):
If the shoe was on the other foot you wouldn't like it one bit either.
You aren't being a platonic friend to this new girl and you know it. And so does your GF. She has eyes and she can see YOUR reaction to all the messages and all the attention and contact. She isn't stupid and don't treat her like she is.
While I don't think you CAN'T have female friends, you do need to consider your own actions in this.
You KNOW full well why your GF feels jealous and now insecure and no matter how MUCH you downplay this new "friend" you also know that your GF isn't really being unreasonable.
this isn't about your GF not trusting you enough or her being insecure - it's about instincts and she SAW the "writing on the wall". The fact that you find it OH SO HARD to let go of this new "friend kind of shows her that her instincts aren't wrong.
You write "I can't stop thinking about her and we message (completely platonic things) alot." That doesn't sound like a friendship but the budding romance and YOU know it.
Have they met? So the new girl can see that YOU are taken? And so your GF can see that the new girl may not be a threat to your relationship?
Maybe if they meet it could help the situation and it might not. It might come to the point where YOU have to make a choice between your GF and relationship or this new women (who by the by is NOT someone you view as a friend.. BE honest - at least with yourself).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2018): Firstly, I can't blame your girlfriend for feeling "jealous" because it is your fault for taking things too far. How would you like it if she was constantly texting and wanting to hang out with someone else?
You claim you are both happy as a whole, but clearly, something isn't right, because your eyes have caught the attention of someone else. You can be attracted to someone else, but thinking your falling for them is another level.
To me, that just shows you don't love your girlfriend enough. You have both taken one of the biggest steps of your lives by moving in together, which should be exciting and bringing you both closer, instead it's doing the opposite.
I don't know where you met this girl, but if she is becoming more than a friend, you know what the right thing to do is. You either tell her you can no longer be friends and put your girlfriend first, or you end with things with your girlfriend and take a risk with the new girl. But of course, taking a risk with the new girl could end badly, because you barely know her in comparison to your current girlfriend. What you are doing is emotional cheating, and the longer this persists the more you'll fall for her and hurt the other. You're going to have to decide between one or the other. Otherwise, you'll end up with neither.
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