Is my boyfriend trustworthy? Is he getting better, or just better at lying?

A female age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Hello! I'm frustrated about a situation and not sure if i'm over-reacting. I've been with my boyfriend for 6-7 months, we both got out of really bad relationships and we're older, we moved in with each other because of University (we're grad students different departments) We've talked about the future a lot and he's told me he's 100% positive I'm the one. We have a great relationship and I see myself leading a happy life with him. Except one issue. He was in two bad relationships before me, one was a girl with a few dependent/mental issues. She's violent, immature and unstable. Then he dated a girl who was controlling and manipulative, who wouldn't let him speak to the first ex. He was upset, because he felt she needed him because she had no one else and developed deep depression for it. Now he's with me, and he was better, but seems to be getting depressed again. He clearly has issues with not being decisive about who he wanted to be with and has done some deceitful things in the past. He says he's better and is over them, but little things still happen. He still wants to talk to them occasionally, but the conversations have been sometimes inappropriate (slightly sexual or intimate). He says it's in the past, but everything he does now makes me suspicious. If he clicks the mouse when I walk in the room, I feel like he could be keeping something he was looking at from me. He only talked to them when I wasn't around, but would offer to let me see texts. I have been hurt by him and feel that it's affected my self-esteem. Our love life has been not so great or present because I often feel like he stayed with one of them because of sexual reasons only, unfortunately she's completely opposite from me physically. I've been told it's not in my head by friends, but I don't know what to do, I know I've become paranoid because of it all. Even worse, my friend forwarded me an article from a blog where his ex said he was a compulsive liar. I feel like he may be doing the same to me now. But, on the outside he seems so great and sweet. We've talked about this before and he gets emotional and says he knows he's hurt me and will do everything to make it up to me and regain my trust... but I wonder if it's a ploy. I'm so confused. Thanks for reading.

View related questions: depressed, his ex, immature, liar, moved in, text, university, violent

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A female reader, cupidus  +, writes (3 May 2011):

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