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age
30-35,
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writes: I'm not really sure what to do about my boyfriend of over 2 years.Were both young, I'm 17 and he's a few months younger. To begin with, we were ace, we'd been best friends always, and although I had a bit of a rocky past, he took me regardless and was amazing. Things started going wrong in college.He hated it, and I always tried my best to support him, I still do, but he just got angry and told me I did'nt help. Now, he's joining the RAF, which I think is amazing of him, and have told him I'll stay with him, no matter how long were apart. At first he was happy but now he keeps saying he does'nt know whether he'll leave me or not before he goes. It upsets me how easy it is for him to say that.Then started getting angry at me occasionally, and began leaving me, even though I did everythinging to try and work things through. Then, he'd get back with me, saying things were different and how he knew we'd get back together again. I always take him back, i love him and don't want to be without him.Recently things have been getting worse. He always critisises and brings up my rocky history, telling me i'm lucky to have him. He hates me seeing my best friend cos he's a guy and he says he doesnt trust me, although I'd never betray his trust or cheat. Yet on our last break- up, he tried to make a move on his girl best friend, whom he hasnt known very long. He's always flirting with girls, and even arranged to go meet up and have sex with a girl, but he did'nt as we got back together. Recently, he got mad that I didn't tell him I was going ouy with a bunch of mutual friends, because I knew he'd kick off. When I told him, he kicked off.Even silly things like, be bought me a single rose last night and i was thrilled, I love simple presents, especially flowers, it was very romantic and random of him. But then I annoyed him so he screwed it up and pulled the head off.He's also started to push me alot, into beds, walls, or just away from him. I'm also not allowed to come over to see him at college when he's with his friends, but then he whines that i don't see him enough. He catches different buses even though we both get on and off at close stops. I feel really unwanted, and for the first time, I don't feel as close to him.Please help. i still love him very much.
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female
reader, lah mouw  +, writes (22 June 2009):
 I think I've concluded with everything you've said in your follow up this this is in fact BIG RED FLAGS for an abusive relationship. I know it's tough to leave someone because you love them. But, enough is enough already! Leave him! The way he treats you is NOT okay! sometimes love just isn't enough to keep yourself in a relationship. The fact that you're blind to the amount of damage he's doing to you is just another reason to just look at your situation and realize you need to get out. Not only is his behavior affecting you, they're also affecting your friendships with other people. Don't let him fool you anymore.
A
male
reader, ArmyMedic  +, writes (11 June 2009):
 He's being a tool now, maybe it is time for you to say enough is enough and actually dump him! Tell him when he is trained and wants to act like a grown up you will consider taking him back.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi guys, I'm the original poster of the question, and I'm really trying to take on board evertyhing that's been said.
Sometimes, it feels as though things have got better, but at the same time, worse.
I'm so very in love with him that I can't possibly let go.
But recently, he told me he doesn't trust me, which was such a blow, I've never done anything to misplace that trust.
He is most angry with me because I have quite a few friends who are guys. I really need to point out that I am not attracted to these guys in the slightest, and I'm pretty sure they feel the same about me. They're like family, they may as well be girls for all I care. I just get on with guys really well, better than some girls sometimes.
The best mate who is a guy (mentioned in the original post) said to a friend, whilst drunk, he thinks my boyfriend is a c**t for not letting me see him. My guy really kicked off. I told my guy mate it wasn't on for him to say things like this, but forgave him. My guy hasn't dropped it. I understand he is upset but my guy calls my friend every name under the sun anyway. My guy keeps starting on my friend, threatening to go round to his house and bringing it up with my friend. My friend lost his temper and said my guy should go fight it out with him. I know he did'nt mean it, I tlod him it was wrong, but now my guy won't let me see or speak to my freind. I have chosen my guy over my close friend, but it just seems unfair.
Also, any guy I talk to now gets called a t**t amongst other stuff by my guy.
He kicked off yesterday, broke his wardrobe door and told me to get out and that it was over and that I was no good for him and made him upset, and that he didn't want me because of my friend. But he then changed his mind and locked the door, and although I was still upset, I forgave him and we're ok now I think.
It's just upsetting, I can't talk to any of my boy mates that i used to be close with. I'm a big girl, I can judge if guys are getting too close or are just after a bit, but he seems to think all my guy mates 'want me'.
I'd kill for his trust.
I trust him, even though he stops round at a girls house who I did'nt really know he was close with.
It just doesn't seem fair.
I know he's going away, I know it's getting closer until he goes, but he just says he can't wait to go. It may well be a cover up and I'm here for him whenever he needs me, to talk or whatever. I feel so useless to him, and as much as I love him, even when we're happy, I'm scared he'll kick off and i don't feel as close to him.
I use to suffer with mild depression and did some bad things to myself, I don't want that to come back but I'm starting to feel untrustworthy, caged and useless, and I'm finding it hard to relax in anyones company.
He tells me I need to be happier, less sulky, and fiestier and to toughen up, but I can't be myself when he's like this. his way of toughening me up is through critisism, and all that does is break me down. I'm not the person I was this time last year. Please help (again :/)
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (3 May 2009):
This is a phase all potential recruits go through and I was no different. Once you decide to join the forces, you think that you are going away and never coming back, once he gets that train to RAF Holton he thinks that, he'll never see his friends and family ever again. (It's not like this but boys get symbolic about this kind of thing)
He thinks that during his six weeks RAF training any thing could happen to him (it won't) and he doesn't want to hurt you by leaving his girlfriend behind. What he doesn't realise is in six weeks he'll have turned from a little boy into a professional soldier and a MAN. He'll get two weeks leave and come back to you (if you'll take him back) and you will find he is more mature and confident and much fitter. He will also realise that he was a dick before he left.
Then he'll go away to do his trade training, this is normally 6 weeks to 12 months. During this time he'll get most weekends off and come home, and it will sink in that just because he is in the RAF, he doesn't have to give up his whole life.
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A
female
reader, lah mouw +, writes (3 May 2009):
To be completely honest that relationship sounds completely toxic. It sounds like he's becoming abusive. If he's nervous about going into the Air Force he doesn't have a great way of showing it. Maybe you should try asking him what's up? In my opinion, at this point he no longer deserves to be with you. I know you say you love him but he has no right to treat you this way and you definitely don't deserve to be treated this way. He seems to have a lot of control over the ways things go and that's not fair. You either need to figure out what he problem is or you need to just let him go.
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