A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating my boyfriend for about two years, and at first things were great, we got on really well, had mutual interests and everything seemed great.As of late however, he has become more and more clingy and moody. He was studying abroad doing physics and when he came back, he seemed very different. I know people change, but these don't seem positive changes to me.He has always been very very clingy but now he has become more so. He is constantly asking if he can come round, even when it's not convenient for me and keeps asking if he can come over for an hour. Normally this would be fine, but he lives FOUR HOURS away from me. When I told him that to come over for literally an hour was silly and a huge waste of gas, he got moody and disagreed. He never asks me when a time is good for me, just tells me when it's good for him and is constantly begging me if he can call me if he can't come down, and when he does call, he keeps me on the phone for hours and hours, even when I say I have things to do, like get ready for work or college and guilt trips me when I say I have to go.If he's not calling me, he's constantly texting me about inane things that I do not need to know, like if he's gone to the store, or if he's playing a video game. Even if I reply with a simple 'That's nice. I'm at work :)' or something similar he will send me at least ten texts afterwards, even in the middle of the night when I'm sleeping and if I don't respond, he'll keep sending them and he always makes them about himself.He also hates me having friends and being close to my family and tells me he doesn't like my friends and he never lets me meet his friends, just tells me how horrible they are, or how great they suddenly are. When he visits he treats my friends and family like they are beneath him and will even sometimes ignore them and has told me he wont be nice to my friends because they are stupid.He also has a need to constantly touch me. I suffer with fibromyalgia and he knows this, yet still will constantly rub my hand or a part of my body in one place over and over, even if I ask him not to, because it's hurting me. I feel like some of the stuff he does is deliberate and he often acts like he's superior to everyone else around him, even me. He never shows any empathy to people or to me, and will often act as if my distress or upset over something is an annoyance and an inconvenience. The only time he will 'sympathize' is if he can get angry, rant and belittle people while doing so. I used to have loads of hobbies and love different bands but now he's begun emulating all my hobbies and tastes. He used to like music that was the polar opposite to mine, now he likes every single piece I like, and every single hobby I like, trying to push his way into my interests, yet he never shares his with me, even when I try to join in. He also knows that I do not like public displays of affection and am very reserved when it comes to being intimate in public, yet he will grab me and try to kiss me in public and when I pull away, he wont let go. He once tried to make out with me in my parent's living room and got angry when I said no. He's also grabbed hold of me at a family party and wouldn't let go until I kissed him and this really made me feel uncomfortable.Is he just insecure?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2014): This guy isn't just clingy and insecure - he's possessive and controlling too.He won't really be happy until he feels that, whatever you do in life, it will involve him - even if he can't be there in person, he'll try to make sure that you still give him most of your attention by involving you in long text conversations.He wants to muscle in on all your hobbies (so you don't spend time without him)He dislikes your friends and family as they take your attention away from him. He attempts to keep you apart from them and refuses to get on with them. He's trying to alientate you from them so he gets all of your time. He doesn't want you to meet any of his friends eitherMost importantly - he doesn't listen to you. Even when you're expressing discomfort or pain. He wants to do what HE wants regardless...I'm sorry to say this but the way you've described him, he sounds horible....And I don't think you'll be able to do much to change his behaviour either - in fact I think it'll get worse.
A
male
reader, devont +, writes (27 January 2014):
 He sounds extremely possessive, which is a side effect of being insecure. He also sounds very immature, like he has a lot of growing up to do.
His behaviour isn't really acceptable, I'm sure most people would feel smothered by him, and I think it is very, very worrying that if you ask him to stop doing something that hurts you, he doesn't.
Are you looking to stay with him and work this through? Or do you want to break up? Neither option will be easy, if you stay you have to learn to deal with his behaviour (because he won't change) and if you want to break up, he will guilt trip you and probably emotionally blackmail you into staying, so you will need to be very strong and secure in yourself.
I hope it works out for you. All the best.
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