A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My Boyfriend and I Have Been Dating for a few months (im gay), and its been an up and down ride. Mainly because I have issues with his exes that he's still friends with and texts frequently, but we've learned that I don't need to worry, or do I? Very recently we've been experiencing some sexual issues. Im a very sexual person, in ways that I love sex as long as its with him, but he's been saying that he's "just not into it" and wont even let me masturbate. I don't know what to do...or if I should trust that everythings okay. I've tried talking and all I get is, "Im not into it, but I still love you, let's cuddle, I love cuddling."...Yeah, well, so is sex...what do I do
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2013): First off, approaching your mate regarding something as personal as his sexual quirks, or lack of interest, places most people on the defensive. Pressure regarding sex can build walls between lovers. It is crucial that you are tender and sensitive, and have a mature discussion without accusations and finger-pointing. An inquisition born of your own insecurities is,in itself, a turn-off. You don't mention whether you want him to be dominant or if you prefer to be. There are so many details left out, that it appears you may not be addressing a more serious issue. Your envy of his relationship with his exes. Why must they be negative? Would that make you feel better? Did you rush into a relationship without exploring your sexual compatibility? Didn't you know that cuddling first may increase his sexual desire; if you lower your anxieties and insecurities, maybe you can focus more on his needs? He may not want to discuss his feelings because too many other issues arise that lead to tension, and avert your real concern. Which is, what it takes to turn him on. Control issues ruin relationships. Make friends of your own,and try to get along with his. Explore his body to find out what makes him tick. Seek professional advice if you can't deal with your own insecurities. If you find solid evidence that he is cheating with his exes,dump him. Or forgive, and work it out. That's your choice. If things don't work out, don't be the only ex he doesn't like.
A
female
reader, R1  +, writes (24 February 2013):
 if its sudden maybe something is up? but you won't get your answer on here, you need to hear it from him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt was quite sudden...And thank you for being the first to respond with some helpful advices...
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A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (23 February 2013):
It's hard to say really as there can be many reasons why people might go off sex. As you say he could be getting it elsewhere but he could also be stressed/tired, who knows. You need to talk to him. Has it been a gradual reduction or is it quite sudden? How much less than normal are you having sex?
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