A
female
age
36-40,
*dee
writes:hi, i just wanted to know if this is fair on me?...my boyfriend has secretly been meeting a girl he used to fancy and go on walks with. he has been telling everything about our relationship to her. and everything bad. she has emailed back to me telling me off. my boyfriens says he has done nothing wrong. is this fair? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, jdee +, writes (5 July 2008):
jdee is verified as being by the original poster of the question thankyou to all of you. we talked last night when he got in and he told me that she over exagerates and blow things up that he never said...i noticed that my friend had her as a friend aswell on a site so i asked her opinion on the woman my boyfrend met every wednesday.....my friend told me that this woman is very hyper , over the top and can become very nasty. my boyfriend did something i did not expect he emailed the woman back telling him he has no right telling me what to do and how to date himself....he also went on to tell her this was not help she was providing on her side and no longer wants to keep in contact as she obviously dont know how to be nice. and also not to lie.
i must admit this cheered me up but i still knew that she cant have told all lies becasue some of the stuff said by her was true. so he apoligised alot and were working it out. he is also going to show me his route onwenesdays (not my idea) so i can see he wont see her anymore.
thanks all x
A
male
reader, ChiRaven  +, writes (4 July 2008):
 There are times when everyone, male or female, needs a "sounding board", someone they can talk to, about private matters in their life or relationships. Someone to do for them on a personal level just what we are doing for you here.
But the person they chose should probably NOT be a former lover. And that person should DEFINITELY not be somebody who is going to have the bad judgment to actually get personally involved in their life directly the way this woman did.
Your boyfriend is guilty of extreme bad judgment in this case. Tell him you expect the business between the two of you kept private; but if he feels the need for a "adviser" or "confessor" he should probably seek out someone better suited to that role. Like a professional counselor.
I can't criticize this too strongly because right now I'm spending a lot of my time talking to a woman I dated almost half a century ago (literally), in high school, who is losing her husband of more than 30 years. He's dying. I've lost two wives and one additional fiancee, all dead now, so I know the ropes in that situation, and I am able to offer her some advice about just what she's going through, and what she will likely be facing as her story progresses. And when I lost my first wife, I was much comforted by being able to spend a lot of time talking things out with a nurse, who was my best friend's girlfriend at the time. There are times when we ALL need someone. But he needs to use better judgment.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): Sorry you might not like this, but I will not want to be in a relationship with a guy I cannot trust; this guy is not worth your love or trust; he meets somebody behind your back; discuss personal and condiential info; Vow! How can he expect you to trust him?
What is a relationship without trust; and I think even more; it is humiliating and disrespectfull;
Get RID of this guy; send her an email back telling her that she is welcome to him; and give him the BOOT!
Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, MissAgonyAuntx +, writes (4 July 2008):
 Its not fair at all he should not be discussing your relationship with her. Also she has no right what so ever to tell you off who does she think she is its none of her business. I personally think he must like this girl dont want to upset you but I would finish it and move on find someone who is going to respect you good luck X
...............................
A
female
reader, jdee +, writes (4 July 2008):
jdee is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou both.....i really needed an answer to this because this has happened once before and he told me to stop other exaggerating.....i always feel gulty when he say he has not doen nothing wrong...it makes me question myself but knowing you agree makes me feel alot better! thankyou
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): What?!? Yes, there are many things wrong with that.Your boyfriend is slick and is trying to make you feel like there's nothing wrong with this situation but trust me...there is nothing right about it. If he wants to see other people, and especially if that's not something you want, then he needs to be a man about it and break off the relationship instead of making you feel like crap. Even if he hasn't had sex with her or doesn't want to get with her...not standing up for you and having some girl his girlfriend like crap is wrong. This girl that he's friends with now shouldn't be contacting you and telling you off. The relationship you had with your boyfriend is between you and your boyfriend and no one else. She has no right to talk to you that way.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): It's NOT fair. You have every right to feel this way. Tell him that he should stop seeing her behind your back, as it is deceitful. And he should certainly not be discussing your and his private life with some other woman.
He needs to buck up his ideas.
...............................
|
