A
female
age
30-35,
*nnaW219
writes:You know i've never asked much questions in life until i became a lot older and then the questions i seemed to ask were; why on earth am i not in a stable relationship or why won't my boyfriend commit? well guess what i asked these question to the person i was with he came out with was "your not marriage material". i couldn't understand how someone who wants to commit and get married wasn't marriage material! i then turned to my dad, he believed you have to be already in a stable relationship before you become marriage material. i was upset to find i wasn't even close to being there so i stopped asking questions and tried to settle down. he moved in we then climbed the ladder to being in a stable relationship but still i apparently weren't there so i asked once again, he said the reason i don't want to marry you is because i don't want to marry anyone i love you but marriage isn't in my category. i obviously still completely in love tried to make it work and even change his mind but i realised nothing could. so i moved on still in love with the person that couldn't give me what i wanted but trying to find the person that could. i found myself so frustrated and down hearted then one day i eventually realised i didn't really want to get married i just wanted to know it could happen after all, i always dream't and i am sure most women will agree, on getting married having children getting my dream home and a nice car. well even though i knew my dream would never come true with him i still dream't it every single day after all a dream isn't a dream if it comes true is it? so ladies let me ask you a question if your in a loving committed relationship is marriage really the next step or is it just something you dream about and want because let me tell you this, if your partner doesn't want what you want but you still love this man then is it so bad that you cant get one thing that you want but everything else is a definite yes please come back to me on your answers i would love to know
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2011): I have lived with my boyfriend for 4 years, been dating for 6. We have a beautiful daughter, a wonderful home and an extremely loving relationship. We arent married, for the simple reason that the people i would like to give me away are in a better place. But we are fully comitted to each other, we even wear wedding rings, we just don't have the certificate. Legally we are in a common law marriage and realistically we both know that a relationship takes a 100 percent from each partner to work. Some people just dont view marriage as a necessity, but for all purpose and means, we do live the married life. In the end its not about marriage or being married, its about what works for you and your partner and what makes both of you happy. If you want the whole marriage ceremony then by all means go for it. Its not the be all and the end all though. All marriage really is, is just a way of forcing two people to work harder on their relationship, but if you already have that mindset, you dont really need the marriage certificate.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2011): I have to say all women do not dream of marriage. Some may do - but most intelligent girls these days want to get an education, a career, travel a bit, have friends and yes have a lovely boyfriend. But marriage in itself should not be a stand alone goal. You are young and I would put marriage to the back of your mind. These days you need to be able to deal with whatever life throws at you. Marriages sometimes fail, and you have to be able to function as a person in your own right. At some point you may meet someone special and if the time is right you may want to make that commitment. But don't make it a goal. Make having a career a goal, or doing something exciting like visiting a country you've always wanted to go to. Enjoy life, everything else will follow.
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A
female
reader, lightlilly  +, writes (21 January 2011):
 I am currently engaged, I would be happy even if we didn't get married if it weren't for my family.
It is something I have to have, mostly because my parents are very religious and so if I was to move in with him before we get married, they would look down on me and resent me for "turning my back on what they've taught me"
even then though, I want to get married not just because of that, but because to me it is one of the sweetest gestures a man can make towards a woman, to know that he wants to be with me for the rest of my life so much that he would marry me to prove it, to me it is an act of love.
I would love him and stay with him even without that, but I would always feel a sense of doubt in the back of my mind on whether or not he actually does love me.
marriage is a good thing you get a tax break, if your loved one is sick you can legitimately take off work to care for them...ect. there are lots of great things about being married
to me if someone doesn't want to get married there are only a few real reasons, I do not buy that they don't "believe" in marriage
they may love you but are not positively sure that you are the one, they possibly hate divorce and do not ever want to have one and so are being extra careful when it comes to who they will marry
or they could be very anti religious or hate the system and so they feel that getting married is a religious act.
I don't claim to know much this is just my opinion or how I feel about it
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