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Dazzerg
writes:This is actually something I wrote for my blog but it is based on a question written here....An interesting question on this site was posted the other day from a American teenager (Is love selfish??)who was writing an essay on the question of whether love was selfish or not. She made a convincing case for the prosecution citing the fact that when a “person is fed up with crap from the person they’re with then they end up leaving that person” thus “only stay with someone for “love” when they feel like they are satisfied and when they are not they leave to find something else that makes them happy”. Romantics would, of course, recoil at such cynicism but there can be little doubt in the real world that this is how things pan out. People do sometimes stay in unhappy relationships but it would be untrue that this is due plainly to a generosity of spirit; after all that persons lack of self-esteem or tendency towards emotional masochism, or ‘moth-to-the-flame syndrome’, can be factors that weigh just as heavily in that scenario. Equally some people equate love with suffering and view it as not being true love if there is no suffering involved; that is not to deny genuine selfless impulses exist it’s just to argue against them being the sole motivation for people sticking with an unhappy relationship. Love is ultimately an expression with our desire to connect with the people around us and a way of mediating the gaps and intricacies of our various emotional and physical relationships that we form as we journey through life. This is the reason for ‘different kinds of love’ and for the definition of love being as highly subjective and individual as it is; for example, one relationship, that we have with those that provide for us as young is governed by family love. The need to procreate and find a mate is governed by romantic love; the need for companionship governed by friendship love etc, etc.In all of these love’s we get something in return for what is given (or not as the case maybe). Having said that, there is an empathic tendency within most people to derive happiness directly from providing for the happiness and well being of another and fulfilling a sense of loyalty to another which can override our own tendency to self-preservation. I have just finished reading a not unsympathetic account of the life of Marie-Antoinette and there can be little doubt that her determination to stand by the side of her husband, Louis XVI, cost the hapless Hapsburg her life and that of her children too. Life is full of examples of such selflessness done in the name of love. Selflessness is as deeply routed in human nature as selfishness and it can be said that a healthy dose of both has contributed immensely to the success of humanity as a species. Love is normally celebrated only for its selfless side but there is unquestionably a side to it that is self-serving and perhaps it is time it was celebrated as what it is; an expression of humanity both at it’s best and it’s worst. Reply to this Article
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reader, x.BrokenxHearts.x +, writes (21 December 2007):
 Hey I had to write about whether I thought love was selfish for an english class it led from watching the story of romeo and juliet where they couldnt be together in life so ended up dying together and our teacher wanted us to write about whether we thought love is selfish or not.
So I did mine isn't very good but it's not done I wondered if you would read it and let me know what you think.
Sorry to trouble you.
But I would value your opinion...
Is love selfish?
Is love selfish? I can't answer this question with a simple 'yes' or 'no' but lets just think for a minute...
In many cases when two people fall for one another and are at the stage of just getting to know one another where everything is going really well they may get a sudden feeling which takes over their whole body where they just want to shout out to the world that they love this person.
They can't get them out of their head, they want to spend every second, minute and hour of the day with this person, they want to fall asleep with them, wake up with them and if they were ever to be apart for more than a day then their whole world would just collapse.
Come on we've all been there!
But - all of sudden things start going wrong.
You feel trapped, claustrophobic and just want to get away.
Things start to bug you about one another and they end up driving you crazy then you realise that you don't love them afterall.
Maybe you genuinely thought you did, maybe you really wanted to so you tried to convince yourself that you did or maybe you were just lonely so you lied to them aswell as yourself about how you felt.
And you end up thinking you made a huge mistake getting together in the first place, you just can't wait to get this person out of your life.
You end up wishing you'd seperated when things were good atleast that way you could walk past them in the street without wanting to kill them, right?
But why would you leave when things are going good?
You just wouldn't because obviously you think you love them.
So you end up stringing the relationship along until you realise you really can't stand this person and all you want to do is ruin each others life.
You have nothing in common, you don't know what you ever saw in one another in the first place and you just want to hurt them
Is that selfish?!
What about unrequited love...
You get with somebody and you don't want things to get too serious but you end up falling deeper and deeper for this person but it's all moving so fast you don't realise just how you feel the relationship may not even be that good but it's just something about this person thats got you hooked.
Then one day they just don't want anything to do with you.
They don't love you and they make it obvious.
Now they've gone you realise not only that you love them but just how much and you know it's love you can't explain how you know you just do!
But they don't want you...
They have broken your heart and left you to pick up the pieces.
No matter what you do or where you go they are constantly on your mind you just can't get them out of your head and it hurts. You know you will never get over them and there will always be an empty space in your heart where they once were.
You can't eat, you can't sleep, you don't want to go out your whole life has just come crashing down. You move on and try to block them out but one day you see them again and once again your life comes crashing down.
A life ruined.
Is that selfish?!
Death...
Okay what about losing someone you love because they passed away.
You know you will never see them again, you wont get to touch them again, hold them again or look into their eyes.
You have so much to say and you will never get the chance to say it.
You're left heartbroken.
You feel guilty if you move on, lonely if you don't.
You miss them more than anything and we all know what it feels like to miss someone so much it hurts.
You feel empty and numb, like you no longer have a reason for living.
You may end up drinking your life away, going into self destruction mode or you may be able to get on with your life but even if you were able to get on with things you will still feel that intense pain shoot right through your chest everytime you hear their favourite song, everytime someone mentions their name and right before you go to sleep when you remember how they used to hold you, kiss you and love you.
Your life is empty.
Is that selfish?!
Personally, I do think love is selfish but only because of what I have seen or experience in relationships.
I do understand that there are some people out there who find their soulmates and spend their whole lives together and every second spent with each other is treasured.
I also understand that two people can fall in love and nothing can ever come in between it and that they have no doubts about one another and they truly are happy together.
Maybe if I was to experience this in the future my view on love being selfish would change but too many people in this world suffer from a broken heart no one said love was easy but I think we all wish it was.
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