A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Is it wrong to want my boyfriend to buy me things? I don't mean expensive jewelery or anything, but we've been going out four months and he's never brought me flowers, or chocolates or anything. He's only ever once or twice paid for dinner. I feel selfish saying this, but I buy him cute little presents sometimes, and i just think it would be romantic if he occasionally brought me something too? Especially as he has loads of money. Am i being petty about this or do other people think the same?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2012): I completely agree with Tula, but young men these days like to split everything to a penny. All they talk about is how they had to pay and got nothing in return, they mean sex. All they do now is looking for cheap dates to have their sex. They even ask on a first day how we are going to pay for this. Then they come up with a theory that they don't want to offend a woman by paying for her. What??!!!Also another theory that women are going on dates to have free food and drinks. Where do the find women like this? May be there are some but also there some men out there who go on dates and "forget" their wallet, but most people don't do these kind of things.I wouldn't even let a guy buy me a drink in a bar if initially i don't like him because I don't want to get stuck with him the whole night.But going back to your boyfriend, a generous man wouldn't let his girlfriend to pay for her dinner, especially when he has plenty of money. How do you guys pay at the restaurant? You both pull out your wallets?That's to begin with. I wouldn't worry that much about little presents. Men usually don't know how to do it, but he knows he needs to spend money on you, because they all know that women cost at least SOME money. He knows it very well, and he chooses not to. Guys talk about them spending money on women all the time, especially if they don't want to. Some guys don't date because they have no money, as they know they are not going to go far without taking a woman out on dates.We spend money to look pretty for them and lots of money, they should do their part in return. Stop paying for your dinners and see what happens.
A
female
reader, shrodingerscat  +, writes (8 October 2012):
 He can't read your mind. No matter how many romantic comedies you watch that magically say "men that are REALLY In love can!" No, they cannot, no matter how much they love you, they will never develop magical powers that will suddenly allow them to see into your thoughts.
Anytime you want something, you're going to have to act like a grown up and ask for it, sweetheart, just like the rest of us. Not everyone expresses their love in the same way. You do it by giving gifts, and he may do it differently. If you want presents, you're going to have to ask for them.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2012): "Is it wrong to want my boyfriend to buy me things?"
Agree with chigirl completely; it's not wrong for you want your boyfriend to buy you things, but it's very unfair of
you to expect him to read your mind.
Respectfully semi-disagree with anon female you hypothesizes that boyfriend is "cheap." I know well-off people who grew up not well-off and so they learned the value of money the hard way, by not having it, subsequently they are generally
less inclined to engage in frivolous spending than one would expect not knowing a given individual's life story; most rich people who started out poor don't want to end up poor again so they don't spend money wastefully. Not saying boyfriend isn't "cheap," just suggesting his apparent thriftiness is not so black-and-white.
Respectfully nitpick semantics with anon female who "felt [bf] totally changed" upon her telling him how she feels; he didn't change for you, he learned from you, which goes back to chigirl's point: guys can't read girls' minds.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (7 October 2012):
 No I don't think it's petty. Do you pay for dinners or do you split them? If the former, he's being kind of a moocher and you should at least be splitting them. If you want more little presents, just tell him you would love it if he would occasionally get you small things just to remind you he's thinking of you.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (7 October 2012):
 I think you need to TELL him that you like gifts. How is he supposed to know? It's not like all girls like gifts, nor is it standard relationship-manners to brings random gifts. Gifts are usually given when there's an occasion, not just randomly. If you like such gestures you need to either be with a man who loves doing these things, or tell the man you're with that you like it. Otherwise how is he to know that is what you like?
Men aren't mind-readers. You need to tell him how you like to be treated in a relationship. You need to tell him that you like being pampered, and that you love romantic gestures. And then you probably will have to give him examples of what he can do, because young men in particular have no clue what women mean by "romance".
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2012): May be he is just cheap. I knew rich people who were very cheap, and wouldn't spend money where they don't have to.
It's not wrong of you to want this. I can't believe he let's you pay for dinners.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2012): i totally agree with jannie, its not about the money it is the gesture and feeling like he cares about you.
I had this problem with my boyfriend and when I told him how I felt he totally changed, he bought me flowers out of the blue the other day.
Instead of it letting it fester just tell him how you feel, im sure he will understand and make more of an effort, everybody likes to feel special even if he bought you something that was a dollar it is still the thought
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (7 October 2012):
 I don't think you are petty at all. At 4 months you should feel comfortable to tell him what you like. So what he thinks buying flowers and chocolate is outdated and cheesy, and that spending money is materialistic? The most important thing is you are happy. It's the gesture that shows how much he cares.
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