A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Basically i have a few things i want advice for.Im 19 years old and currently going to uni but home for the summer.I feel like i am so restricted here. Basically my dad has been treating my like s**t ever since i got back for summer and he found out about my boyfriend. I get yelled at for no reason, snide comments and basically talked down ever time i open my mouth.He freaked when he found a love bite on my neck (which i managed to hide for a week before he found it). Saying im no longer the innocent girl he thought i was. He lets my bf stay over at my house but wont let me stay over at his (even though his parents are there. I just hate the fact that they are so naive and dont think we've had sex.We plan to go over back to uni for a long weekend including some of my friends from university. Ive said i dont have to spend any money there (as i am pretty short right now) as my bf will help and we have food there anyways so i dont see a problem. My parents said they dont see why i cant wait a month til i get bk to uni. I NEED to get out of this house for a while. I have everything planned on how to get there. I've already decided that im going. But how do i handle the argument. Is it wrong to walk out and not come back if there is a huge argument when I leave?I just need general help with this as i am crying every day over how im being treated and i cant handle it much longer.
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female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (9 August 2010):
 To be honest, when I read your post I was surprised you were 19 years old as you are acting younger. Your father may be struggling to let go of his little girl, but that is no bad thing. He may not see you as a young woman because you are not acting like one. His anger is really disappointment in your choices, and concern about your future. I reckon if you got to University then you didn't have a terrible childhood, and that is thanks to your parents at least in part. You don't sound terribly grateful for the good start they have given you in life. Rather than seeing them as the enemy, why not understand that they are concerned you will mess up your education over a boyfriend. When you are older and a parent yourself then you will come to appreciate their protective approach. I don't think any parent is going to be delighted to see their daughter running around with love bites. Sex maybe all rather new and exciting right now, but your parents were doing it long before you popped up in their lives. They are worried you will end up as a teen mother, a drug addict or will get some horrible disease (they come from a different generation and have wild imaginations about what happens at University). The reality is that parents are for life, not just for Christmas (or when your student loan runs out or when you need someone to do the washing). Your boyfriend may seem like fun right now but you cannot predict if you will still be with him in a year, let alone ten years. There maybe a time in the future when you really need your parents, so don't cut those ties. When you graduate, you will need a place to stay, you will need help getting on the housing ladder, you need grandparents for your kids...Throwing tantrums and slamming doors as you leave is hardly the way to give them the confidence to trust you or see you as an adult. If they let your boyfriend sleepover then they are quite liberal compared to my parents! I wasn't allowed such things, although the prospect of doing it in my parents house isn't one I would cherish even now! If you want to go away to see your friends then by all means. Just don't make a big drama out of it because you never know what the future holds. It is not worth ditching your parents in favour of your new exciting life which might not last. Come back home, or at least phone them to say you are not coming back for a while so they don't sit there worrying.
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